The New Metal Gear Solid Game Looks A Bit Severe

One of our favourite video games of all time is getting a new instalment but if this trailer is anything to go by it looks like it won’t be much fun at all.

Metal Gear Solid V

Remember Metal Gear Solid? It came out for PlayStation One back in the day and was the best video game ever made. It was a lunatic stealthy military science-fictiony jamboree and if you played it then you most likely found it to be unputdownable and have never looked at cardboard boxes in quite the same way since.

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One thing that made the game so amazing was how bonkers it was. One minute you were philosophising over the folly of war and the next you were engaged in hand to hand combat with a robot ninja who kept demanding that you punch him in the face.  That shit cray.

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Metal Gear Solid has had a bunch of sequels over the years, most of which have been pretty good. Advances in technology meant the games could tell more story via cutscenes, dialogue and gameplay mechanics in order to make the player think twice about the consequences of shooting people in the head because war is, like, hell n’ stuff?

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Now there’s a brand new instalment, the amusingly-named Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain. You can forget about robot ninjas and soldiers adorably falling asleep while guarding prisoners. The trailer alone makes this look like a fucking Lars Von Trier film (only with a £200 million budget). Take a look at this but be warned; it’s strong stuff.

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We’re not even two minutes in and there’s sexualised torture, African child soldiers (#Kony2012) and some poor bastard getting waterboarded. To complete the atmosphere there’s gritty voiceovers courtesy of 24 star Keifer Sutherland. But that’s not all! There’s a bit where some poor woman is held down while her stomach is pulled open and people fiddle around in her guts before some sort of  “package” is yanked out of her. Christ almighty! Whatever happened to: “Just a box!”?

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Making a video game in 2013 means you can get supermegaultracomputers to render convincing depictions of bloodshed and suffering on an unprecedented scale. We’re sure that Metal Gear Sold creator Hideo Kojima is trying to make some sort of deep and meaningful statement about man’s inhumanity to man but real life is depressing enough as it is. We just want to go back to punching robot ninjas in the face, thanks.

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