A cockburglar is on the loose in Las Vegas after stealing a 3 foot (36 inch), 40lbs dildo from the Deja Vu Love Boutique last week and doing so in the most casual manner possible.

CCTV footage shows the suspect simply walk into the store, sling the massive sex toy over his shoulder, and walk out with it:

According to the police report, the man packed the giant dildo – named Moby Dick – into a white car, similar to a Dodge Caliber, and made a clean getaway. No way of knowing if he stole the item for personal use or if he’s looking to move it on, but the latter option would be fairly lucrative as Moby goes for a cool $1,200 retail. Whoa.

The most amazing part of course isn’t that this man stole a 3 foot tall dildo, it’s the Ocean’s 11 style cool factor with which he pulled it off. Obviously having a face mask on at a time where everyone else on the planet is wearing one is a great way to not arouse any suspicion, and to be fair this is Las Vegas we’re talking about so there’s a good chance he wasn’t the only person walking around with a giant dildo draped over his shoulder either. It’s the perfect crime!

I don’t know what other leads the police could possibly work with here but I reckon keep an eye on the local hospitals because there’s no doubt that thing can do some serious damage. It’s just a matter of whether this cockburglar’s curiosity gets the better of him.

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