I was in a bar in Eindhoven over the weekend and I was completely zonked on magic mushrooms and for some reason they were showing the March Madness college basketball tournament over in America. I don’t really know a lot about this but my buddy Keith from Cleveland always seems to get really excited about it so it seems like a big deal if you’re American and like sports. Which is pretty much all Americans.
Anyway, I was in this bar watching basketball and for some reason there were two fat American losers there who were watching it and getting really crazy into it which was really weird considering we were in fvcking Eindhoven and I couldn’t stop laughing at them because of it. I think that was probably the mushrooms though. Aside from this I was really enjoying watching the game and hanging out in the bar, I was pretty much having a blast, even if I was slightly worried that they might beat me up because I was pretty certain that they knew that me and my buddies were just ripping them and laughing at them loads and not exactly being subtle about it.
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But then something happened that I don’t think I’ve ever seen before in sports. It was completely and utterly gross. One of the basketball players in the match who was called Kevin Ware and was playing for Louisville (who these two stupid American douchebags were supporting) did a pretty innocuous jump to try and block a shot from the rival team Duke and did just about the worst landing that I have ever seen in the history of forever. It’s seriously that disgusting.
I don’t know how a professional basketball player can land so badly that he breaks the bone in his shin clean off at a right angle but I guess it’s possible because it happened right there. For a while I wasn’t sure if it was actually happening and I wasn’t just hallucinating it from the shrooms but one of the American guys started crying so I figured it was probably true. Or I had picked up some really awesome shrooms.
Either way, right there and then this leg break looked pretty horrific and I figured it would be pretty much perfect for Sick Chirpse. Only trouble was that I was scheduled to be shrooming for a couple of days and nowhere near the internet (I hadn’t even taken my laptop on the trip – what is this 1998?) so doubted I would be able to do anything and would probably have forgotten about it by the time I got back to work.
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Fortunately my man Gur Samuel mailed us about it so I had all the links in my inbox when I arrived back today, and it didn’t seem like many people over in the UK had actually picked up about it yet so it was still worth writing about. Great! Now we can all enjoy the most horrific college leg break ever together. I know I’ve already seen it but watching it when I’m not under the influence of hallucinogenics is a whole different ball game. It’s way more harrowing now.
There’s a video of it it below that isn’t THAT gross because it’s all shot from far away, but you can still quite clearly see Kevin Ware’s leg hanging off and bending completely the wrong way. The reactions of the players on his team are pretty heartbreaking too as they all look completely distraught in it.
You can also click HERE to see a picture of what it looks like if someone’s shinbone gets split in two and their leg hangs off it at a right angle with the bone sticking out about six inches. Don’t check it out if you’re squeamish. And yeah, it is Kevin Ware in case you were wondering.
In a feelgood end to the story (kinda) Kevin Ware’s team Louisville somehow pulled themselves together and managed to completely dick Duke and get through to the semifinals. Although I was kinda mad because I was supporting Duke because Tucker Max went there. At the end of the match some of the players were holding up Wade’s jersey on the screen and those American guys pointed at it for about ten minutes screaming and hugging each other and I just cracked up even more. Mushrooms, man.
Check out the video below: