Being John Malkovich At The Beach

John Malkovich Beachwear

It is now possible to be John Malkovich at the beach thanks to a line of gentleman’s beachwear he has designed which he has decided to call the Technobohemian range.

John Malkovich Beachwear

Who doesn’t want to be John Malkovich?

No one, that’s who. No one doesn’t want to be John Malkovich. Forget grammar. If John Malkovich wasn’t John Malkovich, you just know he’d want to be John Malkovich. There was that documentary film all about it, called Being John Malkovich, where there was this secret door that you could go in and be inside John Malkovich’s mind for 15 minutes. Everyone wanted to go inside and be John Malkovich, because everyone wants to be John Malkovich.

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Unfortunately, that door got boarded up or something after John Malkovich started to get pissed with people being John Malkovich when that’s what he wanted to be doing 24/7. Which is understandable, I mean, if I were John Malkovich I would not want to be sharing that state of being with anyone else — not even for $200 a pop to strangers. I am not a whore. Well, of my being John Malkovich at least, it would be too valuable to me, not like my body — nor my dignity.

Anyway, John Malkovich is a good guy though and whole lot more generous than me, and I guess he felt pretty bad about stopping people being able to be John Malkovich, because he’s offered up a way that people can, whilst not being John Malkovich, share a little in the experience of what it might be like to be John Malkovich. A taster, if you will, like he was hoping to get people hooked on a fraction of the John Malkovich experience before he re-opens the door and ramps up the price for a whole new wave of John Malkovich junkies, but I’m just speculating now.

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How? HOW?! I hear you cry, well, it’s this easy — beachwear. Yes, Mr Malkovich has deemed us mortals worthy to experience a hint of what it’s like to be John Malkovich — at summertime! Through a collection of ‘gentleman’s beachwear’ men and cross-dressing women alike can now live the John Malkovich experience in the comfort of pinks, lilacs, blues, reds, floral prints, polygonal patterning and stripes — right down to your swim shorts.

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It’s called Technobohemian. It costs a lot. There’s a shirt inspired by Brits going to Ibiza on 36 hour rave excursions. This article is completely irrelevant. And because I haven’t said it enough already.

John Malkovich. Shop the look at Yoox.

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