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Odds are, you’re probably only on this site to hear the latest news about Dutch royal succession and hip-hop, in which case, it’s your lucky day.
Over in the Netherlands, Queen Beatrix is preparing to stand down and allow her son Willem-Alexander a crack of the royal whip. In celebration, composer John Ewbank has composed a song which can charitably be said to have garnered a “mixed” reaction.
So mixed, in fact, that 37,000 people have vowed to emmigrate if the song is adopted officially. That kind of “mixed.”
Lyrically, the song features such maudlin gems as “I will build a dyke with my hands to keep the water out,” which proves that if nothing else, John Ewbank understand what dykes are for.
Around the half-way mark, a Dutch hip-hop group appear out of nowhere and proceed to be the least threatening rappers in human history. They’re brilliant. Dressed to the nines in urban outfits, but cheerful and bouncy and rapping over almost certainly unrelated images like a man sawing a plank in the rain and three gay guys putting money in a parking meter.
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The hip-hop section in particular has drawn fire from critics, but the song is a horrible train wreck from start to finish, coming off as a cross between a compensation advert for people who have been injured at work and a bad karaoke version of “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” but with Dutch rappers in the middle.
In short, it’s fucking hilarious.
Whilst 4:20 day may have been and gone, it’s really worth getting stoned and watching this video. The images are so unconnected, the incomprehensible lyrics so saccharine and heartfelt, and the rappers so obliviously out of their depth, that it might just be the best “bad” song out there.
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Brace yourselves, kids, for the awesomely awful Koningslied: