Here’s What Garbage The Daily Mail Have Written About This Week…

Featuring Simon Cowell’s girlfriend’s nipples.

Literally millions of plums and pillocks read the Daily Mail online on a daily basis. There is nothing within but guff, tripe and balderdash. Except the occasional high brow science report of course, like the one about how smoking during pregnancy makes your baby gay.

Here are four of the least interesting non-news articles I could find, I’m sure there’s less interesting ones in there but I couldn’t stay on the site for much longer because it was giving me a hate fueled head ache.

1) Diet Lies

Non-News - Jessica Hart

Website: Daily Mail Online

Headline: So that’s how she does it! Australian Victoria’s Secret model Jessica Hart reveals how she maintains her incredible figure

More Fitting Headline: If You Eat Less And Move More You’ll Be Less Of A Fatty

Summary: I think this headline speaks reams about the general customers at the Daily Mail online trough. People want to look slim and attractive like Jessica Hart, and because the Mail readership is dim they simply can’t understand how. Jessica tells them she remains slim by changing up her routines and doing different sorts of exercises; but in reality it’s because she is young, doesn’t eat too much shit and exercises.

There are no quick wins, if you want to be slim you cut out the cake and chips and you move about more. Jessica Hart has the advantage of not having to work for a living so she’s got time to be body obsessed.

Quote To Note: “Looking ever the A-lister, the gap-toothed stunner added yet more sparkle to her daringly low-cut frock with a Bulliony gold bar necklace and matching drop earrings”.

Favourite Reader’s Comments: “I would like to see her get more opportunities. I think she is special”.

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