The Master of Wit: Groucho Marx’s Funniest Quotes

Groucho Marx is (rightly) hailed as one of the greatest comedians of all time. Here are a few of his wittiest one-liners.

If you’ve never heard of him, you’re missing out. Groucho Marx is one of the most beloved comedians ever to have graced this little marble of a planet we call home. And he’s the reason everyone wears those glasses. Renowned for his razor-sharp wit, Groucho starred in 13 movies with his brothers in the 1930s, and then went on to have a successful solo career on TV and radio. His legacy continues to inspire today. Here are a few of his best quotes:

1. “Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?”

2. “Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?”

3. [when told that a swimming pool was off-limits to Jews] My son is half-Jewish; can he wade in up to his knees?”

4. I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”

5. Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”


6. “Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”

7. “From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend on reading it.”

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