Well we’re left with the SNP. If you don’t live in Scotland, you can’t vote for them.
If you do live in Scotland, then you should be aware that they want to start a coalition with Labour — so just scroll up, read the reasons why you shouldn’t vote for Ed Milaband, and give up.
Perhaps after a breakdown like that, you might expect some sort of complicated conclusion where I weigh up all the pros and cons and somehow decide upon something quite profound and clever. In fact, I’ve got nothing. We’re screwed. Get out while you still can.