NOT THE NEWS

Donald Trump’s Tour Rider Is As Deranged As You’d Imagine

An expert in making demands.

Donald Trump recently travelled out of the country with his family for the first time since becoming President and just as you’d imagine, it was not your normal business trip.

Featured Image VIA 

Not only did he get his daughter to take his place at a couple of major events because he was knackered while in Saudi Arabia, but he also had a unsurprisingly preposterous tour rider. Here’s his list of demands, as outlined by Mashable:

One (1) steak cooked for two hours at the highest temperature your oven is capable of, served with a squeeze bottle of Heinz ketchup.

One (1) Old Man Recliner.

One (1) dingy bathrobe.

One (1) big TV with a loop of Sean Hannity saying “Trump is a good president” over and over again on at maximum volume.

One (1) DVD copy of ‘The Master Of Disguise’ (2002)

NO INCLINES!!! Every incline should be paved flat before Mr. Trump’s arrival!!!

Trump

One (1) bath tub filled with Diet Coke with a straw in it. (NOTE: This will be a separate bath tub from the one in the bathroom. Not hooked up to any pipes. Just a bath tub in the middle of the room filled to the brim with Diet Coke.)

One (1) young, clean cut white man Trump can shake hands with and say “great job” to.

One (1) framed picture of Kim Jong-Un with a speech bubble saying “I’M A STINKER.”

Ten (10) puppeteers to begin a performance at any time Mr. Trump wills it.

One (1) person in the room at all times to explain to Mr. Trump that his reflection in the mirror is not another person.

MEET THESE CONDITIONS OR RISK WAR.  

Image VIA

I think you’ve all probably figured out that this list is a pisstake – doesn’t make it any less amusing though and we all know that Trump truly does take his steak well done and smothered in ketchup. Gross. And on reflection of Trump’s past social and professional interactions, it wouldn’t be all that surprising if most of these demands turned out to be true.


Trending

To Top