You might have read, or looked at, my previous article about the world’s most disgusting delicacies but the chances are you probably didn’t bother because you were either a) too hungover to even think about eating a big fat awesome cheeseburger, b) trying to chirpse a girl by cooking her a meal at your place and looking at minging food would have you really put you into procrastination mode and off the cooking-pace c) so zooted you watched Adventureland on repeat until you fell asleep, or d) found your attention was snared by a video of a naked wizard with a micro-penis getting tastered and taken down at Coachella. If the last one seems pretty familiar to you, then you should be ashamed of yourself, you pervy little bastard, because the guy’s penis really is that small and you never know when you’re gonna need to know what you’re eating in a moment of needy starvation when lost and high on your globetrotting journey so you should’ve educated yourself with some culinary know-how. But it’s okay. You’ve got a second chance.
The food I mentioned in the above article were pretty sickening and vile and even someone macho and fearless like Bear Grylls wouldn’t go anywhere near that shit and would rather stay in a hotel and have a boss meal cooked for him, brought to his table by a waiter on a quarter of the minimum wage. But I ‘m pretty pedantic and haven’t got that much of a weak stomach unless I’m faced with a bowlful of coleslaw so I’m gonna keep on churning out these hideous delicacies from all over the world to enlighten your life and make you puke and maybe even make you wanna try some of them. Weirdo.
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A balut is better known as a fertilised duck embryo that’s boiled and eaten in the shell. It’s most common in the Philippines, Laos and Vietnam. It’s prepared by being left somewhere warm for 8-9 days; when those days are up, the fertilised egg is held up to light to reveal the embryo inside (or to make sure there is actually an embryo inside) and then after another eight days the balut is ready to be cooked and eaten because the embryo has developed thicker bones, feathers and a more rubbery body. The chick inside the shell isn’t old enough to know anything, really, but it’s still disgusting and putrid to look at.
Forget the cool name. A Century Egg is absolutely filthy. It’s a Chinese delicacy that’s the result of preserving duck, chicken or quail eggs in a mixture of clay, ash, salt, quicklime and rice hulls for a few weeks or a few months, depending on your mojo. Because of the preservation process, the yolk becomes a dark green to grey and has a really weird creamy consistency and brings with it a smell of ammonia and sulphur. The white of the egg also becomes a different colour – dark brown – and it has the texture of jelly. If you’ve never smelt ammonia, it stinks of horse piss. Need I say more?
Smalahove is a Norwegian delicacy that is a sheep’s head and is traditionally eaten before Christmas.The skin and fleece of the sheep is burned away and then the head is salted and then dried or smoked. It’s then boiled or steamed for about 3 hours and then you can tuck in, brain and all. Normally, the ears and eyes are eaten first as they are the fattiest and warmest areas. But it doesn’t matter whichever way you eat it, the sheep won’t mind because it’s dead.
Escamoles is a Mexican dish (sometimes known as ‘insect caviar’) which you have to be pretty much desperate to eat. Escamoles are the eggs of the Liometopum ant, which is a really venomous ant that makes its home in the roots of agave plants and maguey plants. Escamoles supposedly taste buttery and a bit nutty and have a cottage-cheese like texture. If you’ve ever been to Mexico, you’ve probably eaten these in a taco without even knowing about it. Gutting.
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Well, that’s some more disgusting delicacies for you to puke at. Keep checking in to Sick Chirpse because there’ll be another one for you to feast over next week. Adios, sickheads.