New Sport: Child Cage Fighting



Child cage fighting is all the rage these days — there’s an estimated 3 million boys and girls across America, some of them as young as 5, honing their mixed martial arts skills in industrial metal cages every week.

Unsurprisingly, many people aren’t taking to the idea of little kids tearing each other’s limbs off and tapping each other out, even in a controlled and professional environment. But the kids’ parents say it encourages self-discipline, fair play and exercise from an early age. These kids already have better bodies at 7 years of age than I’ll ever have in my entire life.

Take Kristopher Arrey for example — he’s seven and his nickname is ‘The Arm Collector’. This kid is no joke. He’s the one with the psychotic look in his eye choking out the other kid in the title image, and leaving him the bawling, broken mess you see in the pic below. Bed time was about as early as you’d expect for a 5 year old that day:

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Chris Conolley, an MMA teacher who owns the appropriately-named Spartan Fitness, says “It’s an outstanding way for them to get in shape, exercise. Childhood obesity now is a big issue and this can get them on the right path conducive to fitness”.

Which is a fair point but the question remains — is 5 years old too young to be locked in a cage and persuaded to beat the shit out of another kid your age? Are all the people who complain about 5-year-old MMA fighters just parents of fat children who eat pizza and play GTA V all day? Is being fat and playing GTA all day less healthy than being kicked and punched in the head at 5 years of age? Some middle ground people, please.

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