Black Friday: The Yearly Reminder That The Human Race Is Doomed


Civilisation is finished.

Many speculate on what will become of humanity. Will we prosper for many more thousands or millions of years, mastering space travel and spreading our species across the universe in a show of enlightenment, peace and intelligence?

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Or will we simply eat ourselves when there is nothing else left to eat, because we’ve bombed or poisoned ourselves to the point of near extinction. I’m going to side with the latter, because as we’ve seen in the past several years, humans are dumbasses who are on a path of destruction.

The most compelling evidence for this in the current climate is one that you’d not quite expect – it’s the phenomenon known as Black Friday. Let me explain why this consumerist event is one of the dumbest things about the Western world:

Black Friday Disasters

This is an event created in the leader of the free world: the United States of America. The event is named ‘Black Friday’ and it falls on the day after Thanksgiving, which is a celebration of Europeans encroaching on Native American lands and committing mass genocide upon the entire ethnic group. What better way to celebrate murder by eating turkey and pumpkin pie, then sleeping outside a shopping centre in order to rush the door at 5am and trample people to death for a cheap television.

This guy exists

What this young man has done for the past eight years is allowed himself to become convinced that he needs objects in his house. He needs these objects so much that he is potentially risking his life by sleeping underneath a tarpaulin packed full of expensive objects, probably purchased in previous years. Many other rampant consumers will also be queuing, so he will need to keep an eye on the contents of his makeshift home.

In Europe, there are many people living in worse conditions than those fashioned by this young man. They’ve crossed three continents, sometimes without passports on foot, or on inflatable boats that may sink at any moment. They rejoice upon arriving on European shores and sleep outside on the grass. Their need for a tarpaulin with a bed to sleep on is huge, they would welcome such luxuries with open arms.

The lady interviewing the lad in his makeshift house holds him up as a heroic figure. His behaviour is given huge plaudits as is his inability to freestyle. I suspect the news outlet she works for must be sponsored by Walmart of whichever shop it is he’s camped outside.

Black Friday has somehow made its way to the UK, even though we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. Now on England’s green and pleasant land, a scene reminiscent of Jerusalem, albeit modern day war torn Jerusalem, rather than the romantic, biblical version takes place. Maniacal trampling being the only similarity.


I’m very surprised that something as lethal can take place in the two countries that you’d credit with being the most health and safety conscious on the planet. America is a place where someone can break into your house, hurt themselves in the process and sue you for having a weak roof. Whereas the UK is a nation where a nursery teacher tying a pupil’s shoelaces is child abuse.

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Yet the health and safety (gone mad) brigade are happy to allow a huge cross section of the population from all walks of society to converge together outside a supermarket. The meek, the violent, the desperately poor, the well to do, children, the elderly, the mentally ill and the dangerously greedy are all allowed to become gladiators in a fight to the death for some consumer goods.

One thing to consider is the people who actually don’t make it out of the tumult alive. I have nightmares about putting the news on with a view to laughing at, and judging the people climbing all over each other, just for something that will sit in their house until they decide it needs replacing, and will eventually end up at the bed of the ocean. Then to my horror, I see my nan at the bottom of five hundred people’s feet lay on her front, just as the camera zooms in on her face and the life departs from her eyes. I wake up in a cold sweat relieved that it is only a dream. For some other poor souls this is not a dream, this actually happens.

Another issue to consider is one of national security. Surely, ISIS would be salivating to see so many juicy kafirs in one place in an already confused state of panic. I’d think that this is the perfect place for a murderous, religion misenterpreting fanatic to deliver their idea of divine justice for the promise of awkward virgin sex seventy two times in front of the creator of the universe.

Now as tragic as such an event would be, you’d expect a part of me to probably think that the victims had this coming, or that they caused this themselves. This is partly correct, although as moronic as the victims may have been before meeting their horrific end, this behaviour is not entirely their fault. You see, our society has created these people. Television with its commercials for bigger televisions, car commercials on television, convincing people to pay monthly for a vehicle that depreciates in value just as quickly as your old television, and laptop commercials reminding you that the unit you bought six months ago is now obsolete.


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These poor people have been brainwashed into congregating in front of Walmart with pepper spray in their pocket to fend of rivals. It’ll be no match for a bomb vest. This is the same society who created ISIS by murdering children in the Middle East. Perhaps in two hundred years time, Thanksgiving will become an eastern, Islamic holiday giving thanks for all of the idiots in shopping malls they murdered in their quest to establish an Islamic State.

So, to summarise, two of the world’s historically most powerful countries have created a nation of violent, moronic sheep on their own shores and a nation of violent, vengeful lunatics half way across the world. Let’s hope the twain shall not meet at a shopping centre near you.

For more reasons on why Black Friday is completely dumb, click HERE.


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