CHIRPSES

It’s That Time Of The Year When The Sun Is Out And Hayfever Starts To Really Annoy You, So We Send Batman_LDN To Find Out How To Negate Its Effects

Batman_LDN Hayfever Featured

It’s that time of the year where you can’t stop sneezing and your eyes won’t stop watering because the sun came out and you got really excited and ran around in the park even though you hayfever. It sucks, so Batman_LDN explains how you can avoid it.

Batman_LDN Hayfever

As everyone knows, hayfever came about when people stopped saying hello and started saying hey – the spelling is different because heyfever would be pronounced heefever and people would think that you didn’t like going to Hampstead Heath either. If you are not familiar with hayfever, keep reading you lucky prick.

Once a year this bastard prick sneeze shit gets up in the grill of most, trying to piss mans off. People have tried to invent cures, such as nasal spray — FUCK NASAL SPRAY. Manaman sneezes coz of the smell of hayfever, SO WHY MAKE A PRETEND CURE THAT STINKS OF HAYFEVER. It’s bullshit fam. Conspiracy. Any of you lot see Utopia? Where they wanted to kill off the nation in our foods? Government heads are trying to kill off the nation in real life by giving us more hayfever.

Now this may come as a shock to you, surely if the government was trying to give you hayfever you would know about it? Think further into it fam. Has it ever occurred to you as a bit weird that only time Mr Farm Bloke cuts his grass is when hayfever is about? This is because he is being paid by the hologram of Margaret Thatcher to rinse us for our p’s by buying £85 tablets that will just make us worse.

This is not the aimless hayfever rant that it seems to be though, there is more to the words of Batman_LDN than you may think — I have been tasked by Sick Chirpse to try and save the world from the evil tyranny of hayfever, the tyranny that has been causing havoc on our nation since hundreds of years ago when they released PlayStation

In order to rid yourself of this stupid prick allergy face, you will need to print off this article 4 times, and staple it to your mum. You will then need to study it in great detail, memorise it word for word, make it so you know it better than the lyrics for The Cheeky Girls; touch my bum, this is life — I think that we can now appreciate the true meaning of these bars.

SO. In order to COMPLETELY ERADICATE your ENTIRE WORLD of the CHIEF SPENG PRICK hayfever, you must follow the following steps:

1.        Don’t go outside.

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