One of the worst things about being a traffic warden is the awful reputation that precedes the job title; closely followed by the harassment that accompanies it. I imagine that when you sit down in the interview for the position they offer you several opportunities to get out whilst you still can.
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Although, to have even made it to that stage in the first place you’re likely a sadist, someone who just wants to see the world burn or else an aspiring boxer. Why else would you take on a job which involves ruining people’s days whilst simultaneously having to avoid being punched by big, bald, white-van-driving, motherfuckers?
To be fair though, it’s a job that has to be done. Nine times out of ten, they usually are in the right – we just don’t want to see it because, let’s face it, who wants to be wrong?
So instead we curse them and abuse them and then beg them to drop the fine before getting in our cars and begrudgingly accepting the ticket, before cursing them some more as we drive away. Sometimes, of course, they are bellends and they do go out of their way to screw us over – but more often than not it’s the former. This example of a dickhead getting angry for a perfectly justified fine is precisely that.
Robert Robson of Lancashire (a simple name for a simple chap) decided he’d give the traffic warden who had just issued him with a ticket a little piece of his mind – careful Rob, you haven’t got much to spare. How? Well by running him over, obviously.
Now I’m sure we’ve all fantasised about doing this but to actually carry out that fantasy is maybe a step too far. Especially if you’ve already prefaced the whole ‘assault with a deadly weapon’ thing by chasing innocent warden Colin Coupe down the street while shouting:
I am going to f*cking sort you out — I will do you. I will get you this afternoon.
I can’t tell whether he wants to Netflix and chill or run over and kill at this point. But luckily good old reliable Rob clarified things for us by reversing at speed with very clear intentions.
All of this because Robson’s girlfriend had parked illegally on a curb outside of Greggs.
Apparently Robson initially simply refused to accept the fine and left the scene before returning with another man. The court heard that Robson shoulder barged the traffic warden to which Coupe responded that his body cam was filming the altercation and Robson’s actions constituted assault. Road Rage Rob was having none of it though and screamed:
I will show you what assault is. I will knock you out with one punch.
Is this guy Ronnie Pickering’s brother or something?
Following this he jumped in his car and reversed over Coupe’s foot. Since he ran over his foot I think that just about counts as being ‘run over’. Particularly as he was taken to hospital and treated for ‘soreness and bruising’ which I can only assume means they gave him some paracetamol. Colin told police that Robson:
…deliberately drove at me. He looked over his shoulder back at me first.
To which the driver replied in court:
I know I was bang out of order and I totally agree with that.
I hold my hands up, I know it shouldn’t have happened.
He was smiling and laughing towards me, like, trying to wind me up.
I was disgusting, like.
Which, strangely enough, didn’t seem to hold up in court as a defence. Robson received a 2 month curfew and was forced to pay £100 compensation, £85 costs, a £60 victim surcharge and a £150 criminal courts charge – a grand total of £395. I bet he wishes he’d just paid that £30 now.
Judge Lynn Kemp who delivered the verdict summed things up brilliantly:
You were going at speed backwards to get out of that car park and I think the gentleman is lucky that you only ran over his foot.
Whatever anybody thinks about traffic wardens, they are there doing a job and they need to be protected from people like you who are going to take exception to the job they are doing.
So next time you get a ticket, remember this story before you start cussing out the issuer. As the judge said, they are just doing a job at the end of the day; some of them may have even put their lives on the line just to get it.