There’s no doubt that office culture totally blows. Having a job should be about making money whilst doing something you love, not about nonsensical workplace politics or hearing Sandra from HR talk about how “adorkable” her friend’s wedding was next to the water cooler. Don’t even get us started on having to write internal emails whilst trying to find the most polite way of asking how someone is, prior to penning the important business stuff, without making it obvious that you don’t actually care to hear the answer.
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What makes going to work even worse is when there seems to be some sort of unspoken hierarchy put in place for stupid reasons. We’re not talking about the management system here, just weird idiosyncratic things that can differ from office to office such as what football team you support or never eating food. It’s likely that your own job has a few annoying power traits of their own, but these six are hands down some of the worst things that people get uppity for no reason about.
1. Never Being The One To Make Tea
Obviously making a round of brews for the office can be a massive chore, what with different people wanting a variety of different types of tea made in their own favoured way and those awkward people who require milk substitutes, but if you completely skimp out on offering the office a cuppa whilst helping yourself to one then you’re – quite frankly – a selfish prick.
Chances are that doing the tea run will actually improve the odds of getting promoted, at least compared to those self centred assholes who only turn the kettle on for themselves.
2. Not Taking Lunch Breaks
What’s the deal with jerks acting superior over not taking lunch breaks? You aren’t making the rest of the company look like slackers in comparison, you just look like a saddo who can’t think of anything better to do during the middle of the day. Think of all the unfortunate people who aren’t even entitled to a lunch break whilst you’re there not even being half productive whilst munching away, desperately wishing to be in your position. Even worse is that this is often unnecessary overtime work that you probably won’t even get paid for.
Studies suggest that having a breather during lunch actually increases productivity, meaning that the idiots eating their packed lunches “al desko” style are doing themselves more harm than good.
3. Your Dietary Requirements
Listen up y’all. The old adage we’re all used to is wrong, you aren’t what you eat and anyone who bases their entire personality around their diet or lifestyle is a complete moron. Just because you’ve eliminated meat, dairy, carbs, gluten or fucking Starburst from your diet, doesn’t make you any better than anyone else. If anything, it’s just frustrating when kind people are trying to organise group meals or decide which snacks to bring in for everybody. Suck it up.
4. Having Kids
Whilst owning a house and getting married are arguably quite impressive things, what with having to secure all that money for a mortgage and having to convince someone they like you enough to stick around, making babies doesn’t seem all that difficult. After all, animals do it all the time yet you don’t see them buying properties or walking down the aisle.
Why you’d look down your nose at anyone is beyond me, but doing it for the sole reason of having kids whilst others may not seems completely indefensible. Have fun wiping their shitty arse too.
5. Consistently Being The First To Arrive Or Last To Stay
Just one thing: why are you doing this to yourself?
6. Always Being The First To Respond To Group Emails
Simmer your keen ass down. Nobody likes a suck up and we’ve all seen that “funny” meme a thousand times before, you can bet that eyes from all across the office are rollin’ faster than Limp Bizkit every time your name pops up in the RE: thread.
7. How Wrecked You Got Last Night At Post Work Drinks
Getting wasted with mates is a different story but when you have a few too many in your professional life, then shit starts to get weird. Whether you cop off with the hot receptionist or horrendously release all your repressed pent up anger towards dickhead Mark in sales, mixing alcohol with work often doesn’t end well. Especially if you’re the sort of drunk who can’t stop after a couple.
Wearing a head to toe designer outfit won’t make you superior to your colleagues either, although here are some essential style tips for men entering the workplace.