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Old Man Arrested For Pointing His Sky Remote Into People’s Houses And Turning On Babestation

Remote

He’s been a real nuisance to the city for a while now.

82 year old Fergal Barrett has finally been identified as the man who was terrorising Onslow Gardens in the north side of Cork City by randomly changing peoples television channels over to BabeStation.

Members of the community in the small suburb have been having problems with their televisions being switched over to the semi pornographic channel for months, but nobody was able to figure out why it was happening until Barrett was intercepted with his universal remote. He was hiding outside the bush of one of his neighbours Paddy O’Bradley’s house giggling to himself after the police started staking it out as he had been repeatedly targeted.

Bush

It turns out that O’Bradley and Barrett have had a beef lasting years after O’Bradley stole Barrett’s girlfriend after winning a fishing competition 63 years ago. Barrett was still pissed off about this and hoping to put a spanner in their marriage by constantly flicking the channel over to Babestation whilst he and his wife were trying to enjoy The Late Late Show. O’Bradley was suitably irate when he found out:

I might have known it was that gobshite Barrett.

He’s always acting the maggot ever since I stole Dolores off him after that fishing competition, you should have seen the sea trout I caught – it must have been about 20 inches long – and I don’t even think he caught a salmon.

It wasn’t hard to score Dolores after that. It’s been hard for the last eight months though – she loves watching The Late Late Show and then heading upstairs to the scratcher for some action, but when Babestation came on and wouldn’t go off she wasn’t having any of it!

Goddamn Barrett – what a fuckin snake.

O’Bradley wasn’t the only one who complained about having their TV channel changed without their permission. Others speculated that they had been targeted by Barrett for other ancient disagreements, such as refusing to pay for a round at the bar and not attending a St Patrick’s Day celebration because they were in hospital recovering from prostrate cancer. It seems like he wasn’t the most popular man in the city.

Barrett himself has remained quiet over the offences since he’s been taken into custody and charged with being a public nuisance. It’s thought that he could face a short jail sentence and a heavy fine as a result of the longevity of his crimes.

You might think it sounds crazy that one remote would work on over 50 Sky systems, but it’s theorised that all the systems were so old that they had all been used at the same local television store and all had once been used as demonstration units that were controlled by one universal remote and later sold on to the other residents. It’s thought that Barrett somehow got his hands on this remote and later gained the knowledge that it could be used to control other people’s televisions.

He then chose to abuse this power and has now paid the price. For more outrageous stories about Babestation, click here.


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