I suppose writing a 775,000 word epic, things are bound to get a little weird throughout. You’ve got all kinds of plot holes and random side stories going on to fill up the pages before the next important bit takes place.
Here are 10 of the weirdest, most ridiculous tales from the Bible:
10. Elijah Fucks Up Kids Who Mock His Baldness
Wise old Elijah suffers from male pattern baldness, and doesn’t take too kindly to a crew of young kids who roll up and call him start teasing him with names like “bald head”.
Elijah, wise old man that he is, chuckles to himself and walks away without further confrontation.
Just kidding, he turns around and curses them in the name of the Lord then summons two female bears from the woods nearby to rip all 42 children to pieces. Awesome!
9. Eglon Shits Himself
Ehud the assassin has a message to deliver from God to the evil King Eglon, and that message involves just showing up to the Royal chambers and sticking a sword into his stomach.
King Eglon is pretty fat though, so it takes a while to get the sword all the way into his intestine. Eventually Ehud manages to push the sword all the way in so that it’s not even visible anymore, and all the while Eglon is shitting all over the chambers while his guards standing watch outside assume he’s got a bad case of diarrhea or something.
By the time they decide to check on him, sneaky Ehud has made his escape.
P.S. I suppose this one’s not that weird or ridiculous – pretty awesome though.