CHIRPSES

14 KIDS. NO SEX.

Trent Arsenault

Trent Arsenault, 36, is a human sperm bank. 14 kids, and counting, yet he’s still a virgin.

Trent Arsenault

Trent Arsenault, a 36 year old computer expert, is a real-life good Samaritan. Apart from fixing computers and boasting about the size of his hard-drive, he also runs his own business as a sperm donor – giving away his sperm to couples who can’t conceive who he meets on the internet.

A pretty nice thing to do isn’t it? Yeah, I thought so, too. But, the thing is, the guy really takes his sperm seriously. So seriously, in fact, that he’s a self-confessed ‘donersexual’ – he feels it’s his duty not to deplete his supply to the couples who choose to use his sperm. So, he just doesn’t have sex.

There’s dedication and then there’s stupidity. For all he knows, he might have to have a ball (or balls) cut off in a few years, and the chances in life are that he’ll meet a lovely lady then who he wants to impregnate normally. He’d be gutted, wouldn’t he? Probably come up with a plan with his computer buddies for a massive kidnap attempt which will result in him taking one of his donated sperms (who are now an actual human being) back to live with him and his woman and live happily every after.

Arsenault is a machine, though. He’s eaten the same three meals every day for years: a blueberry smoothie for breakfast and dinner, and a spinach salad for lunch. It’s a diet that really bad OCD people eat, in the hope of extending their lives. But, it works in other ways, too, and I suppose that makes it a super-diet.

It’s made Arsenault’s sperm-count a huge 202 million/ml. The average guy has a sack-worth of 60 million. Imagine the cum-shot! Talking about that, he lives another life as a smut-star, but obviously doesn’t have intercourse. The videos on Xtube are of him wanking into a cup and using aids such as a water polo ball and a pack of frozen blueberries, apparently. Why? To show the power of his sperm? For authenticity? I dunno. I’d rather not watch them.

The FDA (Food and Drink Association) have tried to shut his site down – www.trentdonor.org – because they reckon he’s not going about it the right way when he donates his sperm. Hygiene, disease, and all that. The picture at the start of this article is of Arsenault showing off his specimen cups of sperm, and is it just me or does sperm have to be frozen first or something? He must have a load of freezers to fit all those cups in.

He’s even said: ‘I will probably be the 40-year old virgin. Except I’ll have 15 plus kids.’

Even if his first woman is a crap shag, it’ll be better than nothing. I seriously hope he gets lucky soon and realises what he’s missing out on. Then again, who are unfortunate couples going to rely on then? Doesn’t look like the Virgin Mary is coming back anytime soon.

You can watch a video of Anderson talking about it here:

Trending

To Top