CHIRPSES

We Answer Your Unanswered Food Queries

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When I realised that I didn’t know what rice looked like on the plant, I was embaressed and ashamed of myself. I hope I can help you avoid that crushing shame that I felt.

Banana Tree Blossom Header

I was having a chat with one of my pals – Kevin the Hostess – last summer, and we were talking about rice. Yeah, you’re right, we’re pretty exciting to hang about with. Pretty much everyone reading this will have eaten rice at some point in their lives. But who knows what it looks like on the plant? We didn’t know, and that single, stoned thought snowballed over a number of months as I slowly but surely realised I didn’t know what most things look like that I put in my mouth. It doesn’t cross your mind does it? Everyone’s heard of rice…. blah blah blah… who cares. Well, I care now. Just so you know, here is a picture of fresh rice on a flower eager to be picked:

Rice Flower

Coffee

OK, so you get my vibe right? Who drinks coffee? Of course you do, every bugger has an opinion about coffee these days. Personally I only drink it to stay awake at my desk. I use cheap powdered shit from Sainsburys. It’s only a drink people, get over it already, you’re not in New York. Anyway, this is what coffee beans look like before they’re picked. I bet you Starbuck-bumming-Costa-jazzing-spackos didn’t know that did you?

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Coffee Plant With Fruits

Chocolate

Yup, eaten it. It’s actually quite bitter before you bang in all the milk and sugar. Here’s what the cocoa beans look like FYI.

Cacao Tree

And what do they look lke on the inside Mr Horse? Well, I will show you…

Cocoa Beans In A Cacao Pod

Brazil Nuts

Ahhhhh…. I love brazil nuts, they make me cough though for some reason, maybe a low level allergy or something? I dunno. Anyone who’s tried to open one of these titans knows that they won’t give up their tasty innards without quite a fight. Actually, they are even more protective than you might have imagined. Look at this killer of an outer shell they grow in. No earthly nut cracker is getting through that armour plated bad boy.

Brazil Nut Tree

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Cashew Nuts

I bloody love cashew nuts. They got to be salted though. This is what they look like when they’re growing. They look a bit like alien eggs to me. The bulbous bit is called the cashew apple and apparently it tastes really sweet. But we don’t get it over here because the skin is too delicate for long haul tranportation.

Cashews Growing

Horse Radish/ Wasabi

Horse radish with your beef Sir?” fvck yes please. I love horse radish, there’s nothing quite like that sensation of prickly air nails zipping inside your hooter. Well, except wasabi.

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Here’s a pic of a horse radish followed by wasabi.

Horse Radish - Whole

Wasabi PlantBananas

Bananas. They don’t grow so easily over here in the drudge of the UK rain storms. So it’s not surprising if you haven’t seen them in their natural habitat. Here’s some growing with banana blossom. Look pretty cool don’t they.

Banana Tree Blossom

Pepper

Salt comes from the sea, pepper comes frommmm……. a fruit actually.

Pepper Corn Plant

I don’t know whether you enjoyed any of that? I did though so whatevs. I like to see new things as often as my life will allow. Next time I eat any of the above items I will have a new picture in my head. Good. Thank you Google.

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