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TV Star Reveals Portuguese Footballer Has A ‘Micropenis’ In New Book ‘Memoirs Of A Whore’

Can’t be Ronaldo, can it?

Being a professional footballer is probably one of the greatest gigs on the planet. You’re essentially worshipped like a god, especially if you’re good. You’re rich and famous and surrounded by hot women. It seems pretty awesome –  just ask Ronaldo, Messi, etc.

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But would you take that life if it also meant having some reality TV star write about your micropenis in her autobiograpy? Mari Cielo Pajares, daughter of legendary Spanish actor Andres Parajes, has this week released her book ‘Memoirs Of A Whore’ and in it, details a brief romance she had with a mystery footballer and why it didn’t last.

Reported by Mundo Deportivo, it reads:

When it was almost dawn, the Portuguese player decided it was time for us to go to bed.

When he finally took off his boxers… This was, hands down, the smallest micropenis I had ever seen . If I had to masturbate him, I would need tweezers, a microscope, and a GPS.

Oh wow. What a brutal thing to read about yourself. When asked by magazine Diez Minutos to reveal the player’s identity, Mari said:

I won’t say the name nor will I ever say it because I don’t want to ruin his life.

We had intimate relationships on several occasions. He had impressive backs and abs, but he took off his boxers and I was like, ‘Bye!’

This was like a small, lost worm in an Amazon rainforest.

Man that’s rough. Someone calling your penis a “small, lost worm in an Amazon rainforest” is pretty much the meanest thing I’ve ever heard. I mean most men can handle being below average. They can handle being premature ejaculators or even being bald, fat and ugly. But owning a micropenis? I don’t care who you are – that’s the last thing you want anyone saying about you in public.

Still, at least he had an impressive back and abs! And he did get to hook up with this Mari Cielo Parajes lady, so joke’s on her I guess.

 

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Verdict: I would take being a rich footballer if it meant having a micropenis that looked like a lost worm in the Amazon. And especially if the ladies were nice enough to keep me anonymous like Mari here. Sign me up!

For the Albanian WAG who says life as a WAG is hard because footballers prefer wanking to sex, click HERE.

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