An unnamed 39 year old Turkish imam has been suspended by a local branch of the Religious Affairs Directorate after a hospital report showed pieces of cucumber stuck up his butt. You know what that means right?
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The report was filed after the imam was taken to hospital with severe abdominal pain and bleeding earlier this month. The doctors gave the official diagnosis of ‘bleeding in the anus and rectum and foreign object in the rectum. A cucumber.’
Despite the fact Turkish imams definitely shouldn’t be sticking cucumbers up their butts as it kind of goes against their job description, the decision has been criticised by Ardıl Bayram Şahin, a member of the Istanbul Chamber of Doctors’ Human Rights Commission. He argues that patients have a right to anonymity and the unnamed imam’s file should not have been leaked:
We do not know what the official investigation is about, but suspension is unacceptable.
Such rights violations may prevent people with various sexual practices, especially those who are public employees, from seeking medical assistance.
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That is true to be fair. Hopefully they get to the bottom of it so that religious leaders can continue to have no fear about sticking foreign objects up their asses.
For a definitive list of what people like inserted up their butts, take a look at the 2015 list of foreign objects found in people’s anuses.
