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This Story About Michael Bisping DJing An Underground Rave Is Like Something Out Of A Guy Ritchie Movie

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Things escalate pretty quickly.

Michael Bisping might be the UFC middleweight world champion at the moment, but it’s taken him a long time to get to that point and there was one time in his life when he was a bouncer/DJ at a late night club in Manchester.

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It was here that one of the most outrageous stories I think I’ve ever heard a celebrity tell in recent years – it’s almost too stupid and ridiculous to be true and sounds like something more akin to Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels than something actually based in reality. Nevertheless Bisping is claiming it’s true, having recently appeared on the comedy podcast Legion Of Skanks.

I suppose it’s possible he’s making it up, but it doesn’t really strike me as the kind of thing Bisping would do as he’s a pretty serious guy:

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So the club where I DJed was called Monroes and it was basically like Gangster’s Paradise.

When all the other regular nightclubs shut, all the doormen from everywhere all went to this club.

Basically it was drug dealers, doormen, everything but it had the sickest music. People came from all over the country to hear the DJs. It was one of the original underground rave clubs but it was dodgy as fuck.

The shit that I’ve seen go down in there, the violence, you wouldn’t believe… people getting their arms cut off with samurai swords and all kinds of shit. I swear to God somebody got their ear bit off.

I used to do two sets from 2-3 in the morning and then I’d have a break and do it again from 6-7 or some shit. What I’d do in those hours in between is hang out and talk to people.

But when I went back to do my second set, my records had been fucking stolen because there were a lot of scumbags in there from Manchester – a lot of gang people.

I was fucking flipping out because at that moment in time that was like my pride and joy. That was all I had.

Back then I wasn’t known because Monroes was full of such crazy motherfuckers, I was just some guy from a small town. Nobody really knew me because I was just the fucking DJ but I knew that I could fuck everyone up in the club.

So they stole my fucking records and I thought ‘You’ve fucked up here, motherfuckers!’

So I went outside to the car park because I knew they were in the trunk of somebody’s car and I went up to every car.

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I said ‘Open your trunk now!’ so they opened the trunk. Not there. So I went to the next car, because everybody used to go outside and smoke weed.

I go up to the next car – ‘Open the fucking trunk!’ Not there. This went on for some time.

I get to one car and there’s two guys sat there. I said ‘Yo, open your fucking trunk now!’ and they said ‘Nah we can’t do that.’

I said ‘Open the fucking trunk!’. He said ‘Dude, I’m not opening the trunk.’

I said ‘Well now you’ve really got to open that fucking trunk because I think you’ve got what I fucking want in there.

He said ‘Dude, I’m not opening the trunk.’ I said ‘Open the fucking trunk!’

He said ‘OK, I’m going to open the trunk but when you see what’s in there you just walk away and shut the fuck up.’

I said ‘Whatever!’ and we go to the back. He opens it up.

And there’s a fucking dude laying in there tied up by his ankles with a gag and he’s moaning ‘Help me! Help me!’

I go ‘OK, you haven’t got my records. See you buddy.’

He lights his joint and just gets back in the car. That’s the type of place it was.

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Yeah, I really didn’t see that coming, did you? Surprised Bisping didn’t try and help the dude out, but Monroe’s sounds like a shady place so it probably was best not to get involved. Can’t believe I’ve never had a night out there to be honest.

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I wonder what the heck happened to the guy in the trunk? Hopefully Bisping doesn’t get investigated by the police over this like CJ from Eggheads did after he revealed he pushed someone in the canal years ago. That was stupid.


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