A 103-year-old man from Wyoming has vowed to lose his virginity before he pops his clogs.
Barnum Atkins never married when he was ordained a priest and then pastor of the Saint John Baptist Church in 1926, which is why he left it so long. I guess he was never that bothered when he was younger, but now as he approaches death’s door he wants to finally experience what it feels like to get it in. Fair play.
After announcing the wish at his actual 103rd birthday party (most awkward speech ever) his nieces and nephews are on the case to help Barnum find a match.
Great-nephew Anthony Atkins said:
He has done so much for us and our community, we may as well help him dip his wick once in his life.
That’s nice he’s got his family on his side. However, It has turned out to be a bit of a struggle to find a prostitute who will do the deed. Another of his great-nephews, Johnny Atkins, said:
In Big Horn, we’ve got tons of horny women, but escorts don’t grow on trees!
There is only one prostitute in town, but she just won’t have sex with the old geezer, even for $200, she won’t give him a blowjob.
That’s mad right there. I know he’s old and stuff, but surely a blow job for $200 is a sweet deal — he probably wouldn’t last very long either.
The family have managed to find one woman from a place called Owl Creek (300 miles away) but she will only do it for $600, not including transport, food and a place to stay. That’s a crazy amount to charge but either way, the family are going ahead with it as they “don’t really have a choice.”
Well we hope it all goes well for old Barnum — I’m sure he will absolutely love it. Just a shame it’s so expensive for the family. Surely there are some girls into the old man fetish out there? Maybe he should just advertise online — he’d probably end up getting more offers than this guy.