Dear Sick Chirpse #1: Floppy Frustrations

Dear Sick Chirpser, I have been having some problems getting an erection in the bedroom recently with my girlfriend…

Today we introduce the Sick Chirpser, who will be personally helping our readers with some of their everyday problems. He’ll be directly divulging from his limited experience and resources in order to help combat your troublesome situations in line with the Sick Chirpse way. So be it health, music, football, politics or a general chat, feel free to open up to the twisted agony aunt mind of The Sick Chirpser for advice and guidance because as we all know: a problem shared is a problem halved.

The Sick Chirpser will post once a week and answer one or several of your questions. If you have a problem you’d like help with you can e-mail the Sick Chirpser at info@sickchirpse.com, make sure you put Dear Sick Chirpser in the subject or it may get lost forever.


The Sick Chirpser

Problem #001

Dear Sick Chirpser,

I have been having some problems getting an erection in the bedroom recently with my girlfriend, I recently started a new job, could this be due to stress as I have never had this problem before?


Unknown (25)


Dear Unknown,

I appreciate you wanting to keep your name hidden but let me assure you that this is a common problem. Not for me personally, I mean, sometimes I go to bed with an erection so raging it is like I am not wearing a blanket at all. But I digress, the stress of your job could be one reason if the timing co-incides with your lack of a boner, but in reality it could be a more deeply rooted problem.

The key area in your story is “when spending time with my girlfriend” — oh it all looks a bit clearer now doesn’t it eh? Look at your girlfriend, I mean really take a deep long hard look at her. Is she really the 7/10 you first met or has she let herself go? Are blowjobs now off the agenda after having had 3 or 4 months of head at the beginning of the relationship? After a day at your new job are the first words you hear nauseatingly nagging?

As I said it is a common issue but as a society we are too quick to jump on the bandwagon and blame stress, tiredness or even ourselves as men. My advice is to sit your girlfriend down, show her photos of when you first met, identify areas that have declined over time and tell her to get it together. If she loves you she will improve for you, if not go to YouJizz.com and ask yourself, was she was really the 7/10 you thought her to be? Exactly.

From there on out it should be clear sailing. Either sit back and enjoy the beauty that is in front of you or go and find an updated model. You don’t see people with money clanking around in an old banger do you?! Get out there and go find a Ferrari!

Anyway let me know how it goes, and if not here’s a link to a blow up doll that I am told is as good as new and is quite realistic.


The Sick Chirpser

Have a problem of your own that you would like the Sick Chirpser to help you with? Send them over to info@sickchirpse.com with the subject Dear Sick Chirpser


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