Loose Women

A television review of Loose Women, an ITV panel show fronted by middle aged celebrities.

Loose Women

…If I was ITV’s Director of Programing

Can you believe that Loose Women has been on the telly for over ten years? And in all that time you can’t help thinking everything that what those women have yapped for all those years could have been concentrated down into one half hour episode with an extended commercial break.

I decided to take the “Loose Women challenge” which involves a young masculine male (me) watching every episode of the show for a week. Needless to say it was hard work and I only made it to Wednesday.

They say that it promotes older women and gives them a sense of belonging. Yeah. That’s like saying granny smut combats ageism in the workplace.

Denise Welch

Anyway, daytime TV has never been a hotbed of original, classy and thought provoking television as Jeremy Kyle will demonstrate with his working class show filled show aimed at the unemployed. But Loose Women takes the cake. They actually make it look like a discussion show. And that it is but a hugely repetitive one.

Tuesday’s episode of course centered around the leap year and its supposed excuse for women to propose to their other half on February 29th. Because what else could there possibly be to talk about?

“I think the part of the reason why men don’t ask their other half to marry them is they’re afraid they’ll say no” cries Jane Mc Donald in a serious manner.

It’s just this kind of rationale that the world is missing. Groundbreaking stuff. You can imagine the goal from ITV producers that is women up and down the country nodding insanely at the screen in agreement with a bowl of cake mix in their hands licking the wooden spoon.

She then goes out on the street, tracks down a couple by the Thames and the woman uses this opportunity to propose to her boyfriend which was of course pre planned. Terrified, he says yes. In all honesty, what the hell else was he going to say? It would have been great had it been no though. Jane Mc Donald might have jumped into the Thames.

When movie icon Honour Blackman aka Pussy Galore (yeeeo!) drops in as a guest the interview is typically tacky and relationship cantered. People think TV chat shows have become lame and fluffy these days with no more controversial or indeed interesting, unique questioning. Well, Loose Women take this to an all time low. They spent a good proportion of the interview talking about her boots for God’s sake.  When in fact they could have asked all manner of questions, I don’t know “How has the filming world changed since your “Avengers” days?” But no, they went with the shoes.

Meatloaf with a banana on his head

In Yesterday’s show Meatloaf was also due to appear for an “interview”. He was seen sat in the green room with Honor Blackman right throughout the show doing silly things like putting a banana on his head only for the women to scream with laughter and shout “it’s a banana sandwich” or something to that  mind numbingly awful effect.

However when it came time for him to actually join them at the table, Andrea McLean announces that he felt sick and had to go home. Either he actually vomited due to how loud and dire the presenters were in the first half of the show or he realised how much of a tit he looked with that banana. Who knows? And what did the presenters do to fill the gap?

They talked about the menopause and themselves individually for about ten minutes. I doubt anyone really noticed his absence.

They are really just a bunch of two dimensional dim wits. Carol “I’m a feisty opinionated woman and I don’t give a fvck” Mc Giffin. And Janet “if you can remotely understand what I’m saying then you’ll wonder why you bothered” Porter. Loose Women? They should have called this show baggy fannies and have done with it.

If this is a representation of modern women; sitting around all day gossiping about George Clooney’s arse and how much sex they’ve had while shopping then this really is an insult to women. I’m sure they like to talk about other, more serious subjects now and again that do not contain innuendos or the opposite – big fat cocks.

All ranting aside though, I did find this funny little vid which has Keith Duffy as a guest. In which he sums up this show in one word. See if you can guess the word.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPWaoReEbhg’]


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