The Internet Will Ruin Your Life Part 2: Creepypasta

I’m assuming you have done nothing but stare at your monitor since the first part in this series, but now you’re fucked because you’re not even going to be able to sleep it off; this week we’ll be looking into the horrific world of creepypasta.

The term “creepypasta” is a pun on “copypasta”, which, for those of you that weren’t nerds before 2009, refers to a story posted on forums and the like. They’re normally either a funny story, or in the case of a creepypasta, some kind of urban legend that gets copied and pasted around everywhere. They’re normally a step up from chain-emails, in that they’re actually funny or scary and not just your uncle sending you an awful joke or a 13 year-old letting you know that you’ll die if you don’t instantly become a gullible cunt.

I don’t know how your uncle or a 13 year-old got your email address, but here at Sick Chirpse we’re not paid $1,000,000 an hour to judge our readers, we’re just here to tell you some funny stories and in this case, shit your pants.

Enter the 2010s and it’s slightly more normal to dwell in your parents’ basement and live on the internet. As a result of being a nerd becoming normal, the previous nerds have had to become nerdier, and so they started making a Wiki for everything — even the creepypasta.

Now I’ve had a look at most of the wiki before and there is some weird shit in there. Most creepypastas will be based on finding a broken copy of a game that is freeze-your-shit scary, or a “lost episode” of TV. To be honest, I didn’t find many of them scary but that’s probably because I read the most horrifying one first: Pokemon Black.

Now bear in mind this was written before Pokemon Black actually turned out to be a title of a real game in the series, so it’s sometimes called Pokemon Creepy Black to avoid confusion. It’s a story about finding a bootlegged copy of Pokemon for Gameboy and it’s horribly depressing and frightening.

I’ve talked about how I like Pokemon before in a recent article, how it has an innocent nostalgic charm to it. In the game, you were completely safe. You were a ten year-old in such a friendly environment that your mum could let you go and make a living – you couldn’t possibly come to any harm unless you were playing your Gameboy while you walked down the stairs. However, the internet is so mighty and powerful in its life-ruining skills that it has gained the ability to ruin your childhood without even having to go back in time.

The story starts the same way all pokemon games do, except after choosing your first pokemon, you find you also have another, called Ghost. A pokemon that has the appearance of ghosts you encounter partway through the game and a move called “curse” that kills pokemon. I won’t spoil anything else, so get reading on the next page.

Pages: 1 2 3 4


To Top