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Why The Big Bang Theory Sucks Balls

Big Bang Theory Sucks

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that laughing at nerds makes for quality television.

I don’t even know where to begin when talking about why I hate The Big Bang Theory so much.  It’s like looking at a collage made entirely from turds and trying to decide which turd is the most unpleasant. Finding a starting point is almost impossible.

What I do know is that even though I hate the show with every fibre of my being, it’s very difficult to ignore it. Somebody somewhere is always polluting my  Twitter feed talking about how “HILARIOUS” last night’s episode was or how much of a “LEGEND” Sheldon is (see? I despise the show but I still know what the fucking characters are called). Just because something is interminably awful doesn’t mean it can’t be popular (just look at UKIP) and make no mistake, The Big Bang Theory is very popular indeed. It’s also one of the worst sitcoms of the last couple of decades. By some margin.

I’ve had to sit through roughly three full episodes of this abomination, which I feel is more than enough to justify the avalanche of hatred you see before you. If I had to condense my embittered bile into something more concise, then my issues with this shit sandwich can essentially be boiled down to the following: a) the humour is cheap,  lazy and predictable and b) laughing at nerds is cruel.

Now I realise that calling yourself a ‘nerd’ or a ‘geek’ is all the fucking rage these days and everyone just LOVES sharing posts from I Fucking Love Science! on Facebook to show how scientifically hip they are, but the specimens we are presented with in TBBT are meant to represent the more socially reprehensible end of the spectrum: these are the nerds lacking in social skills, with misplaced priorities. They are ripe for mockery.

The Audience sees that these anally-retentive misfits are inferior to them, and this pleases The Audience no end, because looking down on people and laughing at their shortcomings is one of our favourite things to do as a species. It’s the same reason why mean-spirited tripe like Jersey/Geordie Shore and The Only Way Is Essex gets so much airtime.

big bang theory

The “humour” in TBBT is arbitrary and interchangeable. No special effort has been made to construct comedy that is dynamic and inventive. It’s probably assembled via a process similar to the one depicted in that episode of South Park, where manatees push around balls with words on them in order to make a script for episodes of Family Guy. Your typical Big Bang exchange goes like this:

NERD 1: Hey weren’t you supposed to *insert meaningful productive activity here*?

NERD 2: I was, but I didn’t. (cue audience hysterics)

NERD 1: Why not?!? (dipshit audience waits for nerd media-related punch line)

NERD 2: Because I was watching my Lord Of The Rings box set for 734th time/reading my vintage X-Men comics until 3am/doing some other nerdy stuff with easy-to-recognise characters/tropes/stereotypes! (audience shits its pants with laughter)

And so on and so forth.The only thing more contemptible than the show itself is the attitude of the bleating hordes who lap it up. I’ve had to listen to some poor sap defend this atrocity on more than one occasion, as they attempt to illustrate the flaws in my argument on grounds that I need to “lighten up” or that I just don’t “get it”.

I can assure you all, right here and right now, that I get “it”, I just happen to think “it” is shit on toast. If you want a sitcom that’s laughing with the nerds and not at them, then go watch Spaced or The Inbetweeners, made by people who actually understand geekery. But don’t tell me I’m too highbrow for this nonsense. Quality control doesn’t make you a snob.

Worse still, I’ve had people express surprise that I don’t like TBBT precisely because I’m a nerdy twat (and I am), as if my nerdist tendencies somehow automatically give me kinship with the atrocious stereotypes gracing our screens once a week. These are shallow, one-dimensional characters assembled by a collection of overpaid Hollywood screenwriters. 

They watch Lord Of The Rings and Star Trek and Doctor Who and read Spider-Man comics because That’s What Nerds Do. It’s like assuming everyone who enjoys cooking should be watching Jamie Oliver. What cunt-worthy logic.

There is no end in sight. More episodes are getting made and its stars command bigger salaries – six figures, I shit you not. Convention panels are over-attended. Ratings soar. But I’m calling bullshit on all of it. This show is an affront to geeks everywhere. It is the nerd equivalent of blackface. The Big Bang Theory can cock off.

Oh and I really hate the fucking theme tune too.

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