So here’s the procedure folks…
1) Eat nothing but seeds and nuts for 1000 days and indulge in rigorous activity to burn off all excess body fat. (Bear in mind that 1000 days is almost three years).
2) For the next 1000 days eat nothing but bark and roots. Also, add to your boring menu a poisonous tea made from the sap of the urushi tree. This will make you puke out loads of body fluids and hopefully make you inedible to maggots.
3) Lock yourself in a tiny, cramped stone tomb in the lotus position with just an air tube and a bell that you must ring once a day.
4) Once you’ve stopped ringing the bell your colleagues assume lady Death has come to visit and remove the tube, seal it tight and wait another 1000 days.
5) Your mates open your tomb and see whether you’ve achieved mummification.
Simple as that, a piece of cake. If you are successful, you are considered a Buddha, taken to the temple and forever revered. Up for it? Nah mate. Not really. I don’t like the taste of bark.
It didn’t always work out as they planned though…