Fear not, mothers-to-be around the globe. Snooki off Jersey Shore has some completely expert advice for you and your baby. What are her qualifications, you ask? Well, she has a child. Once you have a child you automatically become an expert on all things parenting. It also gives you the right to spread all your parental know-how around; pearls of wisdom such as ‘your baby will annoy you’ and ‘babies enjoy music’.
Oh, I’m just paraphrasing. Totally making her professional advice sound amateur. Here she puts it way better than I ever can:
Dear Duchess of Cambridge aka Kate Middleton,
Waiting for your little Prince or Princess to arrive, I am sure you are prepared for your life to totally change–even more than it already has. In the beginning, right when you take your royal golden nugget home to the castle is the most exciting experience of your life. I couldn’t wait to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of my little prince Lorenzo.
But that lasts for about a few days. Then it’s like, “I love you but OMG stop crying! I’m exhausted.” The lack of sleep you will get used to–just do your makeup, put a tiara on, and you’ll look beautiful as usual.
Be sure to sing to your baby a lot, too! When I sing to my booger, he calms down and stares at me like he’s in love, which makes me feel amazing–or he’s just trying to tell me to shut the hell up because I can’t sing.
Anyway, music calms them down. I’m pretty sure you can have anyone you want over to sing to your little one … maybe a lullaby from Elton John?
I have no doubt that you will be an amazing mom, but talking to other moms helps, especially being a new mommy. I think we can now add Goddess to your list of titles.
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi
So sweet of her. Makes it tough to carry on making fun. We’ll just leave you with our favourite Snooki gifs instead: