Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #263

Admit what you did.

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Let’s go…


When I was 15 my GF gave me an over the pants hand job while her family was in the other room and then i had family dinner with them with a very noticeable cum stain on my khakis


I feel sorry for those who have lost someone during this pandemic, but it’s genuinely been the best 2 years of my life. Working from home has meant I can just play the Playstation, watch Netflix and masturbate when I’m supposed to be working, and I can actually eat my lunch without the usual “I know you’re on your lunch, but can I just ask you….” interruptions. Plus it’s been a handy excuse to get out of social events.


I was at the vet for an emergency with my dog and was sitting next to some short, stocky bro in the waiting room. They call you by your pet’s first name, and I had to literally bite my tongue not to laugh when they called out ‘Princess’ and this guy had to stand up.


Years ago I had to dress up as Santa for a big company thing we were doing for underprivileged kids. Got so drunk afterwards I passed out in full outfit in my living room floor and pissed myself so thoroughly that it took weeks for the red dye from my velvet Santa suit to fade from my thighs. Still so ashamed of myself.

im only human

My girlfriend has a younger sister who recently hit uni age and is now… how do I put this… “fully developed.” I’ve known the girl since she was really young but oh my are my thoughts making me feel weird and pervy after seeing her the other day. Hope that’s not too disgusting a confession.

wonder boy

My girlfriend is way too proud of her fake Gucci bag. She spotted a real one at a restaurant and asked me which I thought was the real one. Obviously I picked hers.


My cousin demanded that everyone take a covid test before attending her Christmas Eve party. A separate whatsapp group was immediately started and we all agreed not to do that but pretend we did.


Back in school the class bully threatened to beat me up if I didn’t show him my dick. I refused so true to his word he trapped me at the back of the school bus and dead armed me until I pulled my tiny little penis out. He studied it for a few seconds, laughed and then left me alone for the rest of the year.


I used to rub roll-on deodorant all over my face is school because I thought it would make me smell good


When I was around 13 the internet was yet to go mainstream so I was stuck wanking to Playboy magazines and late night TV. Anyway, for ages I had this one magazine I’d constantly wank off to. After a few months I got bored of wanking over the same girls so I tried to make things interesting by writing perverted stories about the girls in the pictures. I wrote stuff so disgusting I can’t even share it here. I would then rip the stories up and put them in the bin because my parents would have probably put me in a mental home if they found and read them.


I’ve decided against dating a girl who I actually like because she sucked my best mate’s dick 2 years ago. I’m too much of a pussy to put up with the pisstaking from my friends that would surely follow


I love my parents so much but talking to them on the phone is absolute torture


Today is the three year anniversary of the last time I got laid. It’s sad but my only real goal for 2022 is to have sex at least once.


We’ve got a mate in our group who’s still a virgin at 25. I don’t think he’s gay, just a bit of a weirdo. I can’t tell if he’s just not into women/sex in general or if it’s his shyness holding him back and he just feels like there’s no point even trying. We don’t bring it up or make ffun of him for it but the other day we were talking about getting a prostitute for him. I’m not sure that’s a good idea, but I really hope it’s not something that troubles him and that he can’t talk to us about it.


My girlfriend offered to give me head in the front seat while I drove us back to uni. Turns out my dick’s too small to pull that off from a seated position 🙁


[Send your confessions in at or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).

Merry Christmas, everyone! See you next Friday!


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