The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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pisscake

Not my story but I know a girl who got paid 100 quid on Onlyfans to piss in a cake and send it to one of her followers. It was his own personal request. There are some freaky people out there man.

The Chubby Smuggler

Once i took a girl back to my house. She was a bit of a biggun so when bringing her into the house i sent my mum into the kitchen so she didn’t see her (as i didn’t want my mums judgemental eyes on me) i also made her go back into the kitchen when taking the girl home.

Dregd

The nearest McDonald’s is 30 mins away from me so during lockdown I’ve been stocking up on Big Macs and cheeseburgers and sticking them in the freezer. When you’re ready to eat them you just stick them in the microwave and they’re good as new!

dontfollowrules

I can go from completely flaccid to cumming in under 30 seconds.

Owly Mcspunkmaster

At least 7 times a week I wank in bed when me wench is asleep next to me , I let out a quiet coooo (owl noise ) when I spunk all over the shop , then I roll over and can sleep happily and relaxed

15:17

Didn’t know you were meant to pull your foreskin back to wash it until I was like 13, so by the time I managed to do it my bellend looked like I’d dipped it in dick cheese fondu

mufflerbearing

Once I was having a joint on my balcony and saw a shitfaced homeless lady fall between two parked cars and start crying in pain. Because I go all quiet and indecisive when I’m stoned, I didn’t do anything to help. I just hid in the darkness until other neighbours heard her cries and came out on their balconies and all rushed down to help her and called an ambulance. Usually I would be the first to help, and I was so ashamed of myself. Weed makes me a coward when I’m under the influence.

Oli3383883

I always seem to pull the door handle in any person’s car before they’ve had a chance to unlock the doors

steves

Whenever I go 2 days without wanking I actually feel like it’s some kind of achievement

sadface

I always feel sad when you dont print one of my confessions

tarkus

My ex found a cat which she adopted back when we were together. One day we got into a fight and I put the cat in a box and said ‘take your cat and fuck off’. She took her home and a few days later I find out the cat escaped from the family’s house and got run over and killed not far away. Still haunts me that she’d probably still be alive if I hadn’t used her as a pawn in a stupid argument.

drcj

No matter how many times I shit my arsehole inside out I just can’t stop eating spicy food

rolldeep

When I was younger I used to steal my older sister’s magazines (Seventeen and Marie Claire I think) so I could get some inside info on what girls like. I can’t remember any specifics but I really think studying those magazines paid off

VirginCamper

My friend fucked a girl in my tent at a festival while I was about 50 centimetres away and I woke up to her kicking me in the face mid fuck. Stayed quiet and let them finish because I knew my friend really wanted to bang.

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Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!