Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #223

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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permabake

I am a reclusive stoner and I don’t want lockdown to end. It’s honestly been a piece of piss for me. Hardly any difference to my pre lockdown world except I feel less bad about smoking weed and playing Xbox all day.

daniel203

My fiancee is a secondary school teacher, and I’d be lying if I said al these stories you guys have been posting about teachers shagging their students doesn’t have me a bit worried. There’s one lad in particular she complains about frequently, but in that way that she might fancy him. FML.

twointhestink

I stopped a girl from sticking a finger in my bum years ago and now I’m beginning to regret it

Lil Miss Stretchy

My biggest accomplishment last lock down was being able to fist myself. Fuck knows what I’m going to do this time

farty mc fartface

When i was in primary school I farted really loud (thanks to the hard floor we where sitting on) whilst we where all getting told off because we (all the boys in my year) kept farting during a talk a guest speaker at the school was giving. I was literally so embarrassed at the time but now Im older I know it was the ultimate power move.

yumsniff

I based my uni decision on which girls looked the fittest in the prospectuses

kamikaze D

I honestly think I would be more successful in life if I supported a better team. Sometimes I get angry my family didn’t move to Manchester or London so I might support United or Chelsea or someone instead of Exeter City. Life might have turned out better if I at least had things to celebrate on the weekend.

FrankSpencer

Was checking my balls for cancer and it turned into a wank

rich tom soon

My dad thinks i’m some countdown savant whizkid because i sneakily use an anorgram solver online every time its on . guy put my name forward to go on the show….