Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #223

Admit what you did.

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.



A few years ago I was drunk on my laptop, came across a hateful anti-male Facebook page and did what any drunk 20 year old would do — wrote the admin a drunk message . Anyway, admin ended up sharing my drunk message with all her followers, who proceed to get in touch with my university and employer with messages about me harassing them (I may have called them cock-starved feminist slags in one section of the message). Anyway long story short, I lost my job and had to delete my Facebook and all social media profiles because I was still getting abuse 3 weeks later from pissed off feminazis. Lesson learned.


I am a reclusive stoner and I don’t want lockdown to end. It’s honestly been a piece of piss for me. Hardly any difference to my pre lockdown world except I feel less bad about smoking weed and playing Xbox all day.



When I was a kid I used to pick my nose and stick the bogeys under my bed — I called it my bogey farm. Today my bogey farm is under the driver’s seat in my car


My fiancee is a secondary school teacher, and I’d be lying if I said al these stories you guys have been posting about teachers shagging their students doesn’t have me a bit worried. There’s one lad in particular she complains about frequently, but in that way that she might fancy him. FML.



I stopped a girl from sticking a finger in my bum years ago and now I’m beginning to regret it

Lil Miss Stretchy

My biggest accomplishment last lock down was being able to fist myself. Fuck knows what I’m going to do this time



The other week I told my girlfriend she should be grateful I still think about her when I wank after 4 years of us being together. I thought it was a huge compliment, let’s just say she didn’t agree…

farty mc fartface

When i was in primary school I farted really loud (thanks to the hard floor we where sitting on) whilst we where all getting told off because we (all the boys in my year) kept farting during a talk a guest speaker at the school was giving. I was literally so embarrassed at the time but now Im older I know it was the ultimate power move.



I based my uni decision on which girls looked the fittest in the prospectuses


kamikaze D

I honestly think I would be more successful in life if I supported a better team. Sometimes I get angry my family didn’t move to Manchester or London so I might support United or Chelsea or someone instead of Exeter City. Life might have turned out better if I at least had things to celebrate on the weekend.



Was checking my balls for cancer and it turned into a wank



I was doing work experience and one day my boss and his team had to go to a convention and I was put in charge of booking the transport and hotel for them. It was last minute so I tried to find a good deal for them, and without reading all the details booked this one hotel that had an impressive sounding name and decent rating. Turns out I accidentally booked them all into a gay resort where clothing is optional. Needless to say they didn’t keep me on.


rich tom soon

My dad thinks i’m some countdown savant whizkid because i sneakily use an anorgram solver online every time its on . guy put my name forward to go on the show….



I once went out with a girl who’s dad was her gynaecologist. She didn’t think it was weird at all.



I send story tips to Sick Chirpse all the time and they never get blogged…



I had a wank in the Vatican when I was 18. Don’t know why, but it’s done now. God forgive me.


Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!


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