Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #222

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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zootski

First year of uni there was a girl on my floor who I had a massive crush on. She was so cool and I was basically in love with her. One day I plucked up the courage to pass a note under her door saying I liked her and asking her out. Super lame, I know. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea. The most tragic part is that she never brought it up to me and we remained friends for years without her ever mentioning the note even once. Understandable I guess. The cringe of this still keeps me up some nights.

the yellow fellow

I got peer pressured into buying a rap CD from a random guy in Camden. I don’t even like rap!

Hoffer90

I work at a small pub not far from where I live. One day an absolute MILF came in and as I was making her drink she was going on about how great it was to get away from her husband and kids for once. I swear she was coming onto me but I didn’t have the guts to follow through with it so just went and wanked off to her in the toilet instead. Disappointing story, sorry.

jamjuice

I’m 28 and never had a wet dream, and it pisses me off. I’ve been close like 5 times or something and each time I’ve woke up, been really angry, but still always finished myself off.

heavybro

Sometimes I feel up my girlfriend’s tits while she’s sleeping.

Paranoidandroid

I’m scared of ever spending too much time alone in case I have a stroke or drop dead and there’s no one there to help me.

Jim

I once came solely from licking a girl out. My friends call me Jim from American Pie.

Naj_IV

My dad and I were cleaning out the loft when we came across some old letters between him and my mum which he hadn’t seen in years and years. At the end of the letters my mum would always sign off “say hi to Billy for me”, so naturally I asked my dad who Billy was and he wouldn’t tell me. About a week later it hit me = Billy is the name of my dad’s dick. FUUUUUUCK!

thatbrokeassrat

Vyvyan Basterd from The Young Ones is really hot and I would willingly fuck him with a loaded gun in the back of a pickup truck going down the highway.

Wreck 187

I hate people who are always positive and I make it a great focus of mine to break them

bytheway

I’ve been wearing a fake Rolex for the past two years and everyone believes it’s the real thing. I dread the day someone who knows about watches asks to take a closer look at it.

slimface

Everytime I’m in doggy I can’t stop pulling the girl’s bum cheeks apart and staring at her bum hole

Fairly_regretful

I had sex with a girl who was super charged on coke at my friend’s house party. We went to a bedroom where the lock didn’t work so she picked up the mattress on her own and slammed it against the door to keep everyone out. Then we had sex on the floor. Let’s just say she was definitely the dominant one in that session

imsobutters

My dad was a ladies man in his youth so I know it disappoints him to have an 25 year old son who can’t get laid to save his life.

MysticDa

Do you guys rehash old confessions if you don’t have enough material some weeks? I’ve been reading confessions pretty regularly since they started and I some times get serious dejavu when reading them. Either that or I’m psychic in the shittest way possible?

(Editor’s note: Yes. Send yours here! )