Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #219

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

–

Tb303

I spend way too much time listening to music and visualising sports highlights of myself. Usually football but sometimes MMA and boxing. I haven’t played football in years and never had a fight in my life.

Smokey Joe

WTF is wrong with the guy shagging his Mrs with a strap-on. He needs to wise up, surely there are other ways of getting her off. Hang your head in shame bud.

barkside

I had an argument with my friend playing Warzone (he isn’t very good) and he blocked me on PSN after telling me to fuck off. It’s been 2 weeks and he still won’t play with me or respond to my texts. Am I the arsehole or is he?

frank

I’m really pathetically bad at sex

eyegotworms

I was riding my bike through mitcham not too long ago and a group of black kids called me a “white pussy” and I just kept on riding past them. Yes. They’re not wrong. I am a white pussy.

pedeypablo

My girlfriend asked me if I ever wank off to anyone else except her and I said of course not and even if I wanted to I couldn’t because no one else turns me on since I met her. Her face lit up and she said I was the sweetest boyfriend ever. LOL.

notabadguy

When I was 16 I was at house party where this weirdo from our school had got drunk with us for the first time. He was completely out of it and somehow ended up shirtless on the floor while about 6 boys (including me) took our belts off and whipped him violently for about 20 seconds non stop. It was total carnage but at the time the funniest thing ever. He woke up with welts all over his body and we were legit worried he’d come into school and kill us the next week. He was cool about it in the end though.

Why am i like this

I test out my moves in the sack with prostitutes to see if I enjoy them before using them on my missus.

Smokey Joe

I am Scottish and would never vote for the SNP. I think Kate Forbes (cabinet secretary for finance) is a useless motormouth with zero experience and quite obviously out of her depth. She annoys me everytime she opens her mouth…… can’t understand why, but I would hate shag her so badly.