The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.
Me and my mates did the Crank That Soulja Boy dance for the whole school back in college. We’re all white.
Was having sex with this girl and came in 30 seconds as usual. I kept going because I didn’t want her to think I came too quick and when I finally pulled my limp dick out the condom was gone. Turns out it came off and get lost inside her vagina which she then had to fish out. Haven’t seen or spoken to each other since.
I always feel pretty cool when everyone’s waiting on a red light to cross the road and I just walk right past them because there’s obviously no cars coming
Once I was very drunk trying to park my car and scraped the car in front of me quite badly. I pulled out took a few turns and parked elsewhere. When I returned to car next morning it turns out I didn’t park far enough because there was a note from the guy on my windshield saying he noticed the paint from his car scraped onto my car and has my details so urges me to get in touch.
I’m too much of a pussy to tell my friends I’ve gone vegan with my girlfriend so have been avoiding eating with them for 3 months.
When I was young I was picked on and bullied because I was a quiet kid and not athletic. I remember being excluded from a football game once and promising myself there and then that one day I would rub my success in my bullies faces. Well I’m now 27 and work at Waitrose and spend my free time stoned on the sofa and gaming. Things don’t always pan out the way you want. Would you like a bag, sir?
I’ve cum inside my girlfriend every time we’ve had sex for the last 2 years and she hasn’t got pregnant. I don’t know if I should be happy or concerned that I’m shooting blanks.
Once, four years ago, I was jerking off in my bedroom. This was a real good one, I mean hunched over grunting good! My brother walks into the room and says “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” (Keep in mind he was 10). I screamed at him telling him to get out and go back to bed. He woke up later that day and he asked me about it, I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about and managed to convince him that it was a dream. I still don’t know if he believed me cause he always seemed unsure.
My boss thinks I’m a star employee because I stay in the office late every night, but the truth is I just want to minimise the time I spend with my girlfriend on week-nights
Whilst on an 8 hour stopover in Bangkok airport I decided to have a tug to elevate boredom. I opted for the disabled toilet for more legroom. When I’d done I flushed the toilet to pretend I’d been in there actually pooing. On my exit there was a man on two crutches giving me evil eye so I did what anyone would do and put on a limp and hobbled away.
sharing is caring
When I was 17, I was shagging a friend of a friend. One night, after many drinks, I mentioned her to my best mate, and turns out he’d been slipping her one too. We congratulated each other and high 5’d. 10 years on, he doesn’t like it when I mention the girls name in front of his wife, but I’ll still raise my hand hoping he’ll high 5 me back.
I took LSD for the first time last month and didn’t move from my seat for 6 hours, during which time I was convinced I’d pissed myself at least 5 times
Back when we were about 13/14 we had a school disco and I ended up grinding with a girl way out of my league on the dance floor. Naturally at that age I got a boner as we were dancing but didn’t expect what happened next. She felt it rubbing up on her and started freaking out and shouting that I had a boner. Proper attention seeking drama queen style. Everyone made a massive deal of it and I was known as “boner boy” for a while afterwards, even the teachers knew about it
I fucking hate my fiance. But if I break up with him I’ll have to move back in with my mum and I can’t deal with that.
I just turned 25 and measured my dick for the first time since college. I honestly think my dick has shrunk since I was 18 or maybe I just fooled myself back then with where I my pelvis ended and dick began.
Occasionally I cum in my girlfriend’s butt hole – it’s something we both enjoy very much. The last time we did it though she goes “watch this” and then farted my spunk back out of her butt. I think she thought it would turn me on but I found it absolutely disgusting. I think she’s gotten way too comfortable around me and I don’t like it
Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.
See you next Friday!