The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.
Here are the best from this week:
You know that little stringy bit that holds together your tongue and the bottom of your mouth? I snapped it on New Years Eve Mandy’d off my tits licking some girl out.
I loathe people who brush their teeth in the office
I hate it when I spit in a urinal and some of my saliva is left dangling. It feels like I licked the urinal
I got drunk and told a guy I work with that I fantasise about his cock in my mouth. I’m doing dry January.
In the past couple of years I’ve spent a good quarter to one third of my income on racing bicycles and racing bicycle components. I currently own only one pair of trousers and most my t shirts and jumpers have holes in them but i’m too tight to buy new clothes, yet will happily drop a hundred quid on a pair of tyres, carbon fibre saddle or some other pointless trinket. I genuinely think I’m autistic about bikes.
My new year’s resolution is to have sex at least once in 2020.
I once had to lie to my ex girlfriend that I had a food fetish and that I wanted to put food on her so I could lick it off, but I only wanted to put honey or golden syrup on her vagina cos every time I went down on her, it was like eating a mutilated dead corpse out and it tasted like dried piss and ebola mixed up in sweat. The sweet taste of honey made it bearable. The main reason for breaking up with her was her fish market odour.
Girlfriend just told me her last boyfriend had a 10” dick. Great.
Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.
See you next Friday!