The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

Here are the best from this week:

seb pro

Whenevr I drop the soap in the shower I pretend like I’m in prison and pick it up without bending over

Shotgunshitter

After a rave I ended up at a student house party and as I took a piss outside I let out the fart but had the misfortune to follow through… No biggie, I thought. I went up to the bathroom to clean myself up except, being the scratty students they were, of course they didn’t have any bog roll for me and this runny mess. What they did have, however, was a laundry basket in the bathroom. What happened next stays between me, the laundry, and my own shitty boxers I threw in the same laundry basket. Fuck em.

clever sean

Girl that I work with has humongous tits. She grazed by me and one of those bazookas made contact with my arm…. and it was the highlight of my week.

no_vas

I systematically eat around my food to save the best bite for last

porncritic

I rarely watch the same porn video more than once but right now I can’t stop watching a compilation of many different Backroom Casting Couch videos consisting of nothing more than the guy asking where his cock is and the girl responding “it’s in my ass”. The girls’ shame turns me on a bit.

loveutam

Me and the gf of 6 years broke up last year.. I still have a library full of nudes and videos… how long is too long to hold onto them?

inzanitydog

I remember not giving a fuck about politics and wish I was still like that

Bubblewrap

My dog killed a hedgehog down the park the other day and it was honestly the most traumatising moment of my life. Nature is disgusting.

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Submit your anonymous confession(s) for next week HERE

Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.