FOOTBALL

Sick Chirpse Fantasy Football Round Up Week One

Week one is over and the dust has settled. Aguero is injured. Michu is apparently sick and some bloke with a shit named team is top of the league. Who would’ve thought it?

So as week one comes to a close and the weaker men among us begin to dip into their 30 transfers for  the season, Sick Chirpse takes a look at the big hitters and shitters of week one of the beautiful new season of the Premiership.

Big Hitters:

So for all of you who spent the last couple of days before the big kick trying to pry Aguero, RVP and the entire Liverpool back line into your team based on how they thought the season would go – big mistake.

Money doesn’t always buy you happiness and certainly doesn’t buy you a place at the top of the Sick Chirpse fantasy football league as many of you found out this week.

Lambert has made a point of getting the golden boot in every league he’s pretty much played in and despite warming the bench for the Saint’s opening top flight game versus the defending champions, Man City, the 4.9 million striker still managed to bag a goal.  Martin Jol proved that he knew a bit about the bosman market as he picked up Petric on a free transfer before he racked up two goals and an assist on his debut – hardly anyone picked this little gem up for the cheeky 4.6 million he’s available for.  However, the real big hitter of the weekend was Laudrup’s cheeky Spanish acquisition, Michu, who managed to bang two goals, snatch an assist and hit the crossbar twice.  After Michu lit up MOTD brighter than the glare from Shearer’s beautiful bald noggin we’ve got no doubt he’ll be in everyone’s team by the time week two kicks off at a well worth it 3.3 million.

Big Shitters:

Daniel Agger did his best to dent Brendan Rogers hopes of a top four finish as he slightly brushed Shane Long’s back within stride of the area. Cue red card and the first of the incredibly bad penalties of the weekend.  Now banned for a further 3 games he will not be able to increase on his -1 points until the end of September.  28.11% of people plucked up the courage to stick 6.7 million of their hard-earned English pounds on the Argentine talisman – and they lost big time.  Around the time Southampton’s Nathaniel Clyne thought it best to put the pacey forward up in the air a lot of people lost sight of their chance to lead at the first hurdle.  His sky blue teammate Mr David Silva didn’t fair too well either as he played most of the game and managed to hit the worst penalty since Soriano put one in to orbit for Red Bull Salzburg.  The highest valued midfielder at 6 million managed to accrue a total of 0 points for the week and lost the majority of his fantasy league fans as he was dropped quicker than Jordan when Dwight Yorke realised she was up the duff with Harvey:

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vo5u4VGN7U’]

That’s the round up for  the week and i’m sure people like Tom Sands wanted us to bum him for the fact that he managed to look at the fixtures beforehand and stick the entire Chelsea back line in his team so he could capitalise on the extra midweek game. Tom, no one cares, you’re a dork and Prison Break FC is the worst name in the league – if I didn’t care so much about the fact that we have exactly 100 in the league I’d remove you. Get a life.

Sick Chirpse Fantasy Football League Week One

POS Manager Team name Total points Week pts Starting
XI pts
Starting
XI pos
Goals Goal Pos Overall Position
1 Tom Sands Prison Break FC 50 50 50 4118 3 2851 4118
2 Tom Shipley Apocalypse Dudes 49 49 49 5040 4 449 5040
3 Daniel Ostridge Ajax Treesdown 47 47 47 7433 2 15153 7433
4 Gavin Rapaport Poo 46 46 46 9016 3 2851 9016
5 Piers Dixon Dixon Balls FC 45 45 45 10911 2 15153 10911
6 AlexanderMark Jones Dunblane Massacres 44 44 44 13154 3 2851 13154
6 smart les lemon peng-win 44 44 44 13154 3 2851 13154
8 Charlie Hey tiki taka jazz cats 41 41 41 22156 3 2851 22156
9 Alex Prince Prince Boatengs 40 40 40 26216 1 58155 26216
10 Nestor Schischka The Winning One 39 39 39 30825 2 15153 30824
11 Ross Stearny stearnpots barmyarmy 38 38 38 35982 3 2851 35979
11 Trevor Brenson RJBs XI 38 38 38 35982 1 58155 35979
11 Richard Dulieu Dyslexic CF 38 38 38 35982 1 58155 35979
11 Huw Barker HavantGotAClueVille 38 38 38 35982 2 15153 35979
15 John Ryan Obi – 1 Kanobi – 0 37 37 37 41836 2 15153 41831
16 Emma Craig The Only Way Is Emma 36 36 36 48338 1 58155 48333
16 John Twinn Pav FC 36 36 36 48338 2 15153 48333
16 Bobby Peliza bObbyDazzlers 36 36 36 48338 1 58155 48333
16 Luke Skidmore bunchofslugs 36 36 36 48338 2 15153 48333
16 Johnny Callow Room 362 36 36 36 48338 1 58155 48333
16 Billy Mclean Barcemoaner 36 36 36 48338 2 15153 48333
22 Huw E Dynamo Kebab 35 35 35 55550 1 58155 55545
22 Daniel Guy Dans witwickys 35 35 35 55550 2 15153 55545
22 James Blundell Blundells boys 35 35 35 55550 2 15153 55545
25 Robbie Atkinson diables Rouges 34 34 34 63586 0 147933 63580
25 Terry Buckingham Real Madras 34 34 34 63586 1 58155 63580
25 Josh Watkins bluesbrother 34 34 34 63586 2 15153 63580
25 Dan Filer ClubTropicanaDrinkFC 34 34 34 63586 0 147933 63580
29 Mark Endicott Real Madreadfull 32 32 32 81423 2 15153 81415
30 Dave Ward Pimp My Side 31 31 31 91093 1 58155 91083
30 Patrick Grayson real aycliffe 31 31 31 91093 1 58155 91083
30 Michael Magee Mickey T FC 31 31 31 91093 0 147933 91083
30 Elliott Henderson Barsenal 31 31 31 91093 0 147933 91083
34 Peter Jones Joner 30 30 30 101175 1 58155 101162
34 Matt Morris Morris FC 30 30 30 101175 1 58155 101162
36 Lee Walsh KeansaKunt 29 29 29 111797 2 15153 111779
36 Nikul Patani Brown Bear United 29 29 29 111797 1 58155 111779
38 Jamie Sadur Skid Mark 28 28 28 122418 1 58155 122396
38 Ross Williams Tepee Town FC 28 28 28 122418 0 147933 122396
38 Ryan Williams Dirty Buffalo 28 28 28 122418 0 147933 122396
38 Max Sheppard Fred West Ham 28 28 28 122418 1 58155 122396
38 Daniel Watson SirBobWouldBeProud 28 28 28 122418 1 58155 122396
43 Ben Rowland Atheist FC 27 27 27 133065 1 58155 133038
43 Redwan Elharrak Real Talk 27 27 27 133065 1 58155 133038
43 Daniel Haviland Warriors 27 27 27 133065 0 147933 133038
43 Danny Sharpe Team Sharpey 27 27 27 133065 0 147933 133038
43 Jack Hopwood FC Kaiser 27 27 27 133065 0 147933 133038
43 Aaron Hicks Proud’s Prodders 27 27 27 133065 1 58155 133038
49 Ben Lawson spunkin FC 26 26 26 143531 0 147933 143492
49 Blake Walton Walton Wonders 26 26 26 143531 1 58155 143492
49 Martyn Aeissame Gratuitous FC 26 26 26 143531 1 58155 143492
49 Neil Williams Lumpers and Kickers 26 26 26 143531 1 58155 143492
49 Anthony Ward Park Ji Wonders 26 26 26 143531 0 147933 143492
54 Nick Reid OnOne United 25 25 25 153677 1 58155 153631
54 Jon McLeish Bayern Bru 25 25 25 153677 0 147933 153631
54 James Tootill BigDonFC 25 25 25 153677 1 58155 153631
54 Luke Wyborn The Wombles 25 25 25 153677 0 147933 153631
58 Matthew Stewart FC Boosh 24 24 24 163500 0 147933 163437
58 Tomn Pitts Gareth Keenan Troops 24 24 24 163500 1 58155 163437
58 Tim Williams TIMW_BRAP KILLAS 24 24 24 163500 1 58155 163437
58 Mohamed Hussein Why Always Me FC 24 24 24 163500 1 58155 163437
58 Craig Abbs Team abber 24 24 24 163500 1 58155 163437
63 Christopher Davies T Dogg’s Ball Hoggs 23 23 23 172953 0 147933 172876
63 James Martin Tourist Attraction 23 23 23 172953 1 58155 172876
63 Louis Day Spews Stars 23 23 23 172953 1 58155 172876
63 David Armitage Real Betties 23 23 23 172953 0 147933 172876
63 Shaun Williams The Galacticos 23 23 23 172953 0 147933 172876
63 Thomas Foley Unbelievable Crisps 23 23 23 172953 1 58155 172876
63 Nicky Greenhow Boomerwanger 23 23 23 172953 0 147933 172876
70 Ryan Addams Fish fillet 22 22 22 181753 1 58155 181652
70 Shane Tremlin Trems Trash 22 22 22 181753 0 147933 181652
70 Drew Walsh Real SocieLAD 22 22 22 181753 0 147933 181652
73 Richard Gilbert Queefstars 21 21 21 189767 0 147933 189650
73 David Williams Muffin stuffers 21 21 21 189767 2 15153 189650
73 John Hawkins Mmmmcustard 21 21 21 189767 0 147933 189650
73 Alex Crawshaw Crawshaw’s Commies 21 21 21 189767 0 147933 189650
73 James Roberts WOOPWOOP United 21 21 21 189767 0 147933 189650
73 Christian Adofo The Mandem 21 21 21 189767 0 147933 189650
73 Sam MartinRoss Martin-Boss 21 21 21 189767 1 58155 189650
73 William Rowe Keefy’s Krunchers 21 21 21 189767 1 58155 189650
81 Mark Guy butchys tanks 20 20 20 197027 1 58155 196888
81 Sam Lister inter thevan 20 20 20 197027 0 147933 196888
81 Dean Webster Blues 20 20 20 197027 1 58155 196888
81 Nick Randles Quallo 20 20 20 197027 1 58155 196888
81 Luke Henderson Luke Ronald FC 20 20 20 197027 1 58155 196888
81 Jeff Ingle Jeffentus 20 20 20 197027 1 58155 196888
87 Toby Dennett Dennethinaikos 19 19 19 203574 0 147933 203399
87 Alex Taylor leave-my-arse-a-lona 19 19 19 203574 1 58155 203399
87 Maxwell Hughes maxibon united 19 19 19 203574 1 58155 203399
90 Michael Sinfield FC Scorgasm 18 18 18 209337 0 147933 209125
90 Tyler Casey 50 Shades Of Goals 18 18 18 209337 0 147933 209125
90 Steve French Anal Villa 18 18 18 209337 0 147933 209125
90 David Hewitt football 18 18 18 209337 1 58155 209125
94 Matthew Hurley 12fort 16 16 16 218589 0 147933 218306
95 Nick Bourne Greenham Royals 14 14 14 225159 0 147933 224775
95 Wes Holden Green FC 14 14 14 225159 1 58155 224775
95 Ashley Townsend 1 MANNING 1 CUP 14 14 14 225159 1 58155 224775
95 Dave Bunker Team Bunker 14 14 14 225159 0 147933 224775
99 Anthony Ford 4 Dimensions 11 11 11 231123 0 147933 230624
100 Theodore Morgan DangALangTime 10 10 10 232328 1 58155 231800

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