CHIRPSES

Sick Chirpse Fantasy Football League Season Review – Who Won The Big Sick Chirpse Merch?

Sick Chirpse Fantasy Football Round-Up. Premiership round up for the season. Who came out on top? What lucky managers won some free shit?

lion

The season has drawn to a close and the dust has settled on the first year of the Sick Chirpse Fantasy League – and we’d like to start of by thanking the 100 participants for doing their best to make it a success – even if their football knowledge really was shit. We’ll be running this shit again next year so keep your eyes peeled just before the start of next season and spread the word so we can put a bigger price on the Number One spot next time.

Across the season there have been a couple of big names holding the spot at the top from way back in the first month when we saw Sick Chirpse‘s own Gav winning the first Manager of the Month thanks to the top performance of his team Poo in the early days before eventually dropping out of the top ten and eventually finding himself chilling in 12th position at the end of the season.

Tom Shipley’s Apocolypse Dudes also made an early charge for all the glory alongside Sick Chirpse’s own Tom Sands’ Prison Break FC but neither had the staying power as they had to settle for 6th and 4th respectively. Apocolypse Dudes also banged in 122 goals to make them the golden boot winners.

Then Peter Jones’ Joner started to make their charge with a team comprised of pretty much the entire Chelsea starting 11 which some how worked with the stupid amount of games they were playing – picking up two manager of the month trophies as well as managing to secure 2nd place at the end of the season.

Other mentions go to late bloomer Ryan Williams’ Dirty Buffallo who picked up a manager of the month and secured 5th place at the expense of Tom Shipley, and also Sick Chirpse’s AMJ with his Dunblane Massacres who managed to  crawl into third somehow.

The winner though and the real stayer of the lot up there is Shane Tremlin and his supposedly ironic Trem’s Trash who with their two manager of the months and total score of 1795 took the big prizes.

In the habit of being the most beloved website out there – Sick Chirpse would like to congratulate the Top 5 and Golden Boot winner by sending you all a Sick Chirpse goody bag which will include a Tee and a shit load of stickers (look below for an example, dick head). Send your info through to info@sickchirpse.com and we will get this out to you asap. The big ticket £100 winnings go solely to Shane Tremlin and his Trem’s Trash – if you don’t send us your info within the week we will spend your money on grass or something so I’d hurry up son.

Enough about all that – the season’s over – depression has sunk in. We are all aware that Ian Holloway and Crystal Palace are back in the Prem now, that Rooney and Suarez are pretty much leaving their clubs and we all watched England Vs Ireland the other night and England V Brazil and we’re all embarassed to be a fan of the national team. But just cos the season is over doesn’t mean we can’t look back at it and see who has produced the most serious tekkers and who has been the biggest barrell of shit this season.

So here it is Sick Chirpse’s BIG HITTERS and BIG SHITTERS of the 2012/2013 season:

BIG HITTERS XI

joe hart

Goalkeeper – Joe Hart. Manchester City. 4.0 Million. 140 points.

The most expensive keeper in fantasy football at a whopping 4 mil. He might have spent a bit of time on the City bench after a few howlers and a lot of people chose Begovic and his 111 points for a mil cheaper but you just can’t put a price on that kind of quality – or comedy gold from his stupid dandruff adverts.

defender

Defender – Leighton Baines. Everton. 4.1 Million. 172 points.

Leighton Baines, I bet you think this song is about you.” The highest point scoring defender and regular Sick Chirpse Big Hitter. Not even in the top ten priciest defenders in the league. If you didn’t have him you wouldn’t have found yourself in the top 10 this year. Whether he stays at Everton next year or join Mr Moyes you can be sure that the free kick and corner taking left back is gonna be top of everyone’s fantasy football wish list for defenders.

Defender – Branislav Ivanovic. Chelsea. 4.2 Million. 158 points.

Whether he is repping it at full back or centre half you can guarantee one of two things: 1. He’ll be a formidable opponent. 2. He’ll look drunk as a skunk. It seems that since Shevchenko and Ballack have left Chelsea Branislav does not seem like a drunk fucked up Russian when he is playing but has fast become one of the best defenders in the Prem. With 6 goals in the Prem and the second highest points haul for a defender he has thoroughly impressed.

Pablo Zabaleta – Manchester City. 3.4 Million. 131 points.

Sneaking in just over Patrice Evra is the fantastic Pablo Zabaleta. A man who has once again been the subject of praise as well as criticism this year but has come out shining. The Argentinian may not have had the best season with Man City but has come out smelling of roses – whilst repping it as both a left and right back for the FA Cup and League Runners Up. Praised often for his quest for goals and assists he has added a real element of defence to his game this year which is evident in the fact that he attempted more tackles than any other defender in the Prem this year.

Sebastien Bassong – Norwich City. 2.9 Million. 111 points.

It’s all well and good having a team full of obvious picks and calling it a team of the season but it has to be said that not many people would’ve entrusted a Norwich defender – let-alone Bassong – to help steer them to a couple of clean sheets and +100 fantasy points. After a slow start to the season he proved to be one of the real bargains as he is ranked as the 4th most value for money defender this year.

midfield

Midfield – Santi Carzola. Arsenal. 3.2 Million. 184 points.

This midfield dreamer has proven to be one of the real big buys of the season for both Arsene Wenger and anyone who popped him in the midfield of their team. He has come out with the best points to pounds ratio in the fantasy football charts at a whopping 57 points/£. He even managed 20 points in one week alone which is more than Lee Cattermole managed in the entire season for around the same price.

Midfield – Michu. Swansea City. 3.3 Million. 167 points.

The Spaniard is Sick Chirpse’s favourite and the Premiership buy of the season, despite the fact that he ended up going off the boil as Swansea gave up on life after winning the League Cup and basically securing Premier League status early doors. Goals, goals, and more goals have even seen him come close to the Spanish national team – can’t argue with a midfielder who scores 18 Prem goals.

Midfield – Juan Mata. Chelsea. 5.8 Million. 214 points.

Third highest points scorer. Highest scoring midfield player. Not even the most expensive midfielder. What a season it has been for the Spaniard who has helped steer his team to Champs League Qualification and a Uefa Cup win. When he’s not featured for Chelsea they’ve looked like half a team and when he has it has been electric. Long may it continue. What a player.

Midfield – Gareth Bale. Spurs. 5.5 Million. 210 points.

Player’s Player of the Year. Writer’s Player of the Year. His Dad’s Mates Down The Pub Player of the Year. Most like PG Tips Monkey of the Year. He’s won the lot. He almost managed to singlehandedly put Spurs in the Champs League and is now off to Real Madrid as a well done. Amazing.

rvpss

Striker – Romalu Lukaku. Chelsea via West Brom. 3.5 Million. 157 points.

We could’ve selected Suarez for all his goals, Bentekkers for keeping Villa up despite being a donkey, but in the end it fell to Romalu because he was simply unstoppable at the Baggies. At 3.5 mil he was an absolute snatch and could even fit into the teams where they wanted 3 up fronters. With 44 points/£ he was the best priced striker for what he produced and might even get his chance in front of the three musketeers next season and that would be something to watch. The New Drogba? Maybe.

Striker – RVP. Man Utd. 7.0 Million. 255 points.

Most expensive player. Most points. Best goal. Utter tekkers. League winner. The only thing RVP lacked this season is that he did not get any fantasy league points for rinsing Piers Morgan on the regs. Basically if you didn’t have him you weren’t gonna win toffee. Simple.

That’s the 11 and they would’ve only cost you a swift 46.9 Million with 3.1 spare to flirt with. You’d have cotched up with a cheeky 1899 points and would’ve walked the league without a single transfer. Captain Hindsight strikes again.

BIG SHITTERS

There really is no need to go into specifics. We could pick on Hart for the mistakes he made. We could go onto defenders and talk about how Vidic was out most of the season and how Fulham couldn’t keep a clean sheet like they usually do. We could talk about David Silva and his lack of ambition to get a single assist. We could even talk about how Fergie kept playing Rooney in midfield despite the fact that loads of us had him up top for us. Even Luis Suarez and his biting/diving/racism somehow skips away from the Big Shitter at the end of the season as it must simply go to one team. And one team alone.

They are called Queens Park Rangers. I started the season with Park Ji Sung in my team. Many people put Cesar in because he was “going to win the league with QPR” – some even trusted Remy when he made his way to the Prem. The bottom line is that despite the ‘arry effect, they are a bunch of losers who have sucked a club dry – but the club let them do it. QPR – fuck off and don’t come back. Cheers.

qpr

Here’s how the league ended up guys. We’ll see you next year. Safety.

Sick Chirpse

League PIN: 8009937

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POS Manager Team name Total points Week pts Starting
XI pts
Starting
XI pos
Goals Goal Pos Overall Position
1 Shane Tremlin Trems Trash 1795 54 1367 70879 98 91729 9645
2 Peter Jones Joner 1772 61 1360 74770 103 65769 14415
3 AlexanderMark Jones Dunblane Massacres 1759 60 1274 126187 115 17519 17848
4 Tom Sands Prison Break FC 1744 57 1285 119496 114 20228 22462
5 Ryan Williams Dirty Buffalo 1739 71 1353 78818 101 76032 24174
6 Tom Shipley Apocalypse Dudes 1734 46 1465 27531 122 5074 25942
7 Huw E Dynamo Kebab 1720 52 1248 141560 106 51195 31521
8 Nicky Greenhow Boomerwanger 1666 45 1138 194278 96 102131 58062
9 David Williams Muffin stuffers 1640 41 1467 26889 105 55887 73087
10 Emma Craig The Only Way Is Emma 1638 67 1233 150147 95 107189 74297
11 Johnny Callow Room 362 1631 50 1379 64325 101 76032 78434
12 Gavin Rapaport Poo 1627 23 1329 92851 109 38081 80766
13 Robbie Atkinson diables Rouges 1604 39 1125 198828 96 102131 94720
14 Bobby Peliza bObbyDazzlers 1602 68 1291 115813 93 117111 95955
15 Billy Mclean Barcemoaner 1600 35 1312 103024 102 70769 97099
16 Huw Barker HavantGotAClueVille 1595 51 1534 10796 97 96954 99989
17 Lee Walsh KeansaKunt 1594 39 1213 160976 95 107189 100571
18 Matthew Stewart FC Boosh 1588 54 1270 128586 103 65769 104091
19 Drew Walsh Real SocieLAD 1586 54 1428 41161 92 121972 105274
20 Alex Taylor leave-my-arse-a-lona 1579 63 1087 209911 100 81231 109287
21 Aaron Hicks Proud’s Prodders 1561 62 1216 159334 93 117111 119345
22 Jeff Ingle Jeffentus 1557 24 991 226275 101 76032 121576
23 Terry Buckingham Real Madras 1554 37 1320 98206 98 91729 123196
24 Max Sheppard Fred West Ham 1537 50 1148 190512 91 126885 132099
25 Alex Prince Prince Boatengs 1525 21 1354 78225 97 96954 137990
26 Dave Ward Pimp My Side 1523 26 1313 102414 86 149824 139012
27 Dan Filer ClubTropicanaDrinkFC 1519 48 1417 45901 91 126885 140847
28 Ryan Addams Fish fillet 1512 34 987 226675 89 136323 144176
29 Ross Stearny stearnpots barmyarmy 1510 35 1326 94599 86 149824 145137
30 Anthony Ford 4 Dimensions 1505 43 1131 196857 81 170297 147406
31 Jon McLeish Bayern Bru 1498 64 1393 57119 88 140981 150558
32 Tim Williams TIMW_BRAP KILLAS 1497 35 1220 157202 97 96954 150975
33 Luke Wyborn The Wombles 1490 45 1039 219897 93 117111 153923
34 Neil Williams Lumpers and Kickers 1485 44 1242 144994 90 131623 156035
35 Shaun Williams The Galacticos 1483 49 1440 36390 76 188121 156825
36 Michael Magee Mickey T FC 1480 31 1546 8916 85 154107 158074
37 Trevor Brenson RJBs XI 1467 45 1467 26889 80 174039 163184
38 James Martin Tourist Attraction 1464 33 1464 27863 91 126885 164389
39 Thomas Foley Unbelievable Crisps 1456 45 1179 177722 79 177728 167425
40 Blake Walton Walton Wonders 1451 36 1278 123780 85 154107 169215
41 Ross Williams Tepee Town FC 1437 58 1346 82796 79 177728 174244
42 Redwan Elharrak Real Talk 1432 64 1432 39547 72 200807 175932
43 Martyn Aeissame Gratuitous FC 1431 59 1168 182510 79 177728 176282
44 David Hewitt football 1430 29 1262 133398 83 162298 176610
45 Ben Rowland Atheist FC 1426 22 1168 182510 84 158260 177984
45 Piers Dixon Dixon Balls FC 1426 42 1313 102414 74 194600 177984
45 Luke Skidmore bunchofslugs 1426 32 1355 77608 89 136323 177984
48 Ben Lawson spunkin FC 1421 60 1333 90405 79 177728 179594
49 Nikul Patani Brown Bear United 1420 41 1420 44599 97 96954 179933
50 smart les lemon peng-win 1408 43 1408 49957 74 194600 183788
51 Ashley Townsend 1 MANNING 1 CUP 1406 34 890 233018 71 203672 184405
52 Mark Endicott Real Madreadfull 1404 28 965 228684 84 158260 185042
53 Luke Henderson Luke Ronald FC 1402 40 1212 161536 79 177728 185648
54 Sam Lister inter thevan 1401 21 1263 132789 82 166424 185971
55 Sam MartinRoss Martin-Boss 1398 46 916 231833 81 170297 186882
56 Richard Dulieu Dyslexic CF 1380 59 1380 63745 70 206450 192240
57 Elliott Henderson Barsenal 1379 55 1241 145573 71 203672 192511
58 John Twinn Pav FC 1358 26 1139 193907 84 158260 198386
58 Dean Webster Blues 1358 38 1199 168181 64 221815 198386
60 Toby Dennett Dennethinaikos 1350 25 1323 96378 64 221815 200522
61 Louis Day Spews Stars 1345 52 1345 83350 68 211865 201850
62 Jack Hopwood FC Kaiser 1342 26 1162 185028 57 235917 202602
63 William Rowe Keefy’s Krunchers 1338 34 1222 156144 92 121972 203634
64 Daniel Ostridge Ajax Treesdown 1326 63 1345 83350 66 217016 206744
65 John Ryan Obi – 1 Kanobi – 0 1322 34 1322 97003 82 166424 207738
66 James Blundell Blundells boys 1313 35 1070 213974 81 170297 209913
67 Danny Sharpe Team Sharpey 1312 40 1312 103024 77 184746 210158
68 John Hawkins Mmmmcustard 1310 36 1042 219420 67 214457 210617
69 Anthony Ward Park Ji Wonders 1309 37 1159 186278 73 197763 210837
70 James Roberts WOOPWOOP United 1300 64 1173 180373 47 249166 212977
71 Christopher Davies T Dogg’s Ball Hoggs 1291 25 1046 218688 56 237622 214990
72 Mohamed Hussein Why Always Me FC 1289 48 1156 187469 67 214457 215407
73 Matt Morris Morris FC 1285 45 1285 119496 82 166424 216249
74 Charlie Hey tiki taka jazz cats 1276 43 1276 124968 76 188121 218243
75 Jamie Sadur Skid Mark 1266 36 1323 96378 64 221815 220304
76 Maxwell Hughes maxibon united 1263 51 1220 157202 68 211865 220924
77 Patrick Grayson real aycliffe 1255 21 1255 137470 73 197763 222572
78 Daniel Haviland Warriors 1253 45 1253 138666 50 245970 222969
79 Daniel Watson SirBobWouldBeProud 1243 26 1143 192425 59 232310 224939
80 Daniel Guy Dans witwickys 1236 54 1236 148409 55 239231 226213
81 Christian Adofo The Mandem 1224 63 1224 155019 77 184746 228327
82 Steve French French FC 1223 49 1223 155584 55 239231 228503
83 Michael Sinfield FC Scorgasm 1216 43 1216 159334 72 200807 229754
84 Josh Watkins bluesbrother 1192 34 1192 171530 47 249166 233520
85 Alex Crawshaw Crawshaw’s Commies 1183 30 1182 176316 68 211865 234778
86 Richard Gilbert Queefstars 1179 43 1179 177722 56 237622 235342
86 Nick Randles Quallo 1179 61 1179 177722 58 234122 235342
88 Mark Guy butchys tanks 1171 46 1094 208187 66 217016 236416
89 Dave Bunker Team Bunker 1164 28 969 228339 65 219447 237367
90 James Tootill BigDonFC 1158 43 1181 176786 41 253754 238137
91 Theodore Morgan DangALangTime 1092 45 1092 208705 68 211865 245185
92 Nick Reid OnOne United 1091 26 1091 208954 43 252442 245274
93 Nestor Schischka The Winning One 1068 24 966 228599 39 254918 247116
94 Nick Bourne Greenham Royals 1041 26 1041 219599 53 242222 248945
95 Wes Holden Green FC 1015 52 1015 223474 40 254338 250391
96 Tomn Pitts Gareth Keenan Troops 1010 23 1010 224121 42 253147 250621
97 David Armitage Real Betties 986 32 986 226778 57 235917 251754
98 Craig Abbs Team abber 933 37 933 230914 36 256281 253836
99 Tyler Casey 50 Shades Of Goals 893 15 898 232669 26 259374 255024
100 Matthew Hurley 12fort 873 36 873 233591 53 242222 255498

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