Seagulls On Laxatives


Getting shit on is probably worse than getting your cock jammed in the zip of your trousers – and these seagulls are shitting everywhere.


Everyone’s been shit on at least once. By women, jobs, the government, taxi drivers, shelf-stackers, travel agents, next-door-neighbours; anyone. Anyone can shit on anyone else and that’s exactly what happens. The world is one big watery shit that keeps on flushing obstacles in our way and some of us manage to get past those obstacles and live a pretty tidy existence. But there are some of us who can’t be fucked to walk over those obstacles so we walk around them instead and end up living a life we don’t want and doing a job we fvcking hate and think about suicide about three times a day. If you’re one of these troglodytes (not that you’ll readily admit it, mind), then get out of that factory or office or wherever you are, grab life by the cock and balls and start living, rather than just existing. Proper.

I’ve been shit on a few times, and shit myself a few times, too. It’s just the way it is. Being shit on by a bird is pretty disgusting and is probably worse than getting your cock jammed in the zip of your trousers, like who wants to walk around all day with Muller Rice hanging off your shoulder? Nobody. But it’s pretty funny when you see somebody else getting plopped on by a bird, simply because it’s happened to them and not you and you can get on with life like you normally do while they’re wondering how many pills it’ll take to end it all. Which is why this video will brighten up your day.

A group of kids put laxative on a load of food and then leave the food for a bunch of seagulls who munch it all like fvck and then, obviously, empty their arseholes all over unsuspecting people. If it happened to me, I’d be gutted and would want to twist the kids’ teeth out with a prostitute’s jam-rag but it didn’t happen to me so everything’s cool.

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