Seagulls might be kind of cute sometimes, but the fact is that more and more stories are emerging about them being absolute menaces and this one is the worst one yet.
Featured Image VIA
The story went down in a detached home near Ipswich, where an unnamed man was sunbathing naked in his backyard – perfectly acceptable behaviour really. That isn’t what the seagulls in the area thought though, as one saw this naked man as a target, flying down and ripping off his testicle with its beak in one savage chomp whilst the guy dozed. Brutal.
He was taken to a hospital, where the following statement was released:
Nobody could quite believe it when the poor chap was brought in. There was a lot of blood and he was in agony, but he will feel better in a few weeks.
The injury is not life threatening, and tests have confirmed that his remaining testicle is still in working order, so he will be able to have children.
Well, at least he’ll be able to have kids but it’s pretty damn unlucky that he’s never going to get his ball back isn’t it? Absolute wounder. A spokesman for research group Seagull Watch International explained why this had happened:
Eggs are full of protein – it’s why we eat them, after all. Gulls will often steal other birds’ eggs, so it is unfortunate for this man that his private parts resembled a couple of eggs in a nest.
It was no doubt a young adult gull that is still learning to be independent.
This is the first time we have heard of such an attack in the UK, and it is probably a one-off event, but just in case this particular seagull has now got a taste for ‘men’s eggs’, we would recommend putting some shorts on while sunbathing at home.
I reiterate what I said at the start of this article – seagulls are absolute menaces. Don’t trust them, and if you are regularly sunbathing naked near the sea I would recommend avoiding the practice if you see some gulls circling. Just saying.
For more seagulls causing trouble, check out this story about a bunch that did a load of coke and kept the street up all night. Assholes.