NEWS

Russia Wants To Clone 3,000 Year Old Ancient Siberian Warriors (And Their Horses Too)

Winter is coming.

Russia’s defence minister has taken time out from massing troops on Ukraine’s borders to reveal his plan to clone ancient warriors and their horses using DNA preserved in permafrost.

Featured Image VIA

Sergei Shoigu – one of Vladimir Putin’s closest allies – spoke to The Siberian Times about the potential of the extraordinary 3,000-year-old Scythian burials in Tuva, Siberia, and likened the experiment to ‘Dolly the Sheep’ – the first mammal to ever be cloned from an adult somatic cell.

In fact, 65-year-old Shoigu initiated the archeological digs three years ago and even had his scientists bring in a shaman to ensure the excavations didn’t disturb any spirits. Smart!

The defence chief told a session of the Russian Geographical Society, also attended remotely by Putin, this week:

Of course, we would like very much to find the organic matter. I believe you understand what would follow that.

It would be possible to make something of it, if not Dolly the Sheep.

Welp, if anyone can successfully clone an army of 3,000-year-old warriors and their horses without anyone trying to stop them, it’s Vladimir Putin and his buddy Sergei Shoigu. I’m not an expert on this whole Crimea/Russia thing so I won’t get into it too much, but at this point it might even be worth the Ukrainians giving Putin what he wants? Especially now that he’s essentially forming an army of White Walkers to take it all by force. I mean look at these things:

You can’t tell me you looked at that and didn’t instantly think of Game of Thrones the moment you realised what Putin was up to:

Only difference is there won’t be no Jon Snow or Arya Stark to save us all this time. I mean look at how casually the Russian defence minister compared this experiment to Dolly the Sheep! He seems pretty confident this is going to become a reality someday.

If the choice is between giving the Russians everything they want Vs fighting a horde of 3,000-year-old undead zombies on zombie horseback, then it’s a no-brainer. That’s my advice to Ukraine and anyone else on Russia’s shit-list anyway. Unless someone like Elon Musk can think of something? Like whisking us all off to Mars ASAP?

To watch a CNN reporter with balls of steel confront one of Putin’s henchmen at his home in Moscow, click HERE. Seriously ballsy.

Trending

To Top