There are so many crazy religions out there today (in fact all of them are pretty fucking crazy when you think about it, but let’s not get into that now) including ones that worship The Big Lebowski and flying spaghetti monsters, so it was only a matter of time before one dedicated to the most successful man of our generation, Mark Zuckerberg, cropped up.
The religion has been founded by an anonymous resident of the San Fernando Valley over in California who set it up via an extensive listing on Craigslist, which you can read below. It’s really fucking long though – clearly this guy has way too much time on his hands, but then again I doubt that if you’re actually serious about setting up a new religion that you’re gonna be a really busy guy already because it’s obviously the kind of thing that’s going to take some time.
As you’ll see below, the poster has six main pillars for the religion and these are explained in excruciating detail – I think my favourite part is when he says that the religion is ‘just for fun’ but if it does manage to become profitable (what?!?!) then the people who helped him with it will get a part of the spoils. So yeah, if you’re looking for a job maybe get involved with this, as it’s surely going to be raking in the bucks in a couple of years when it becomes really trendy to be a Mark Zuckerberg worshipper. Frankly the whole thing is obviously bizarre but that part has really freaked me out.
He then goes on to to speak about a load of crap that sounds like it’s come from a bad futuristic rip off of Dungeons and Dragons and is really painful and embarrassing to read. He basically intends to create massive complex biblical style storylines between Mark Zuckerberg (as God) and all the other important people in his life, like his unrequited high school crush and important high ranking Facebook executives.
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So basically he’s doing some creative writing based around the idea that Mark Zuckerberg is God, which you’ve got to admit is fucking weird. I mean why would anybody do that!? He justifies it by saying that all other religions are boring and that he picked Zuckerberg because the world needs some new myths and he thought that Zuckerberg was the perfect rallying point for this. Again, that makes little to no sense but let’s just roll with it for now because this next part really exemplifies just how weird this kid is.
It’s also the absolute best part of the manifesto. It’s point number 5 where the guy explains that he has the ability to believe ‘anything he wants’ and also that he can change said beliefs in an instant, so he can change from being a Jew to a Christian in an instant. He also seems pretty pleased about this and states that he doesn’t know anybody else in the world with this ability – yeah no shit dude, I think it’s probably because you don’t actually know what the word believe means.
He also used the example that one day he thought it would be cool to believe that Batman was based on a historical figure from the 1920s and so now he believes that to illustrate how he can ‘believe anything he wants’. Again, I think the only way this talent makes him unique is by the fact that he’s one of the only people in the world who doesn’t actually understand the concept of believing something.
I kind of get the feeling that this guy definitely does have way too much time on his hands, although his time could probably be better spent down at Games Workshop or somewhere rather than creating a new Mark Zuckerberg religion. I mean at least that way he might actually make some friends because I doubt anyone is actually going to reply to this manifesto and help him out with it.
You can read the full manifesto below the picture of Mark Zuckerberg looking like he’s leading a congregation of his followers.
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Hey everyone, so I’m working on creating a new start-up religion which features Mark Zuckerberg as God and looking for collaborators who would be interested in working on such a project.
I’m looking for anyone interested in the idea who could contribute such as writers, artists, theologians, filmmakers, web designers, spiritual philosophers, and other such folk who could contribute to developing the religion and its mythology. I will summarize the important ideas of this start-up religion here:
1. I’m just doing this for fun because I want to, I don’t have any money to pay anyone right know and don’t even know if something like this could be profitable, I enjoy spirituality but find all the religions out there boring and want to create a new religion that’s not boring and just like a religion that I would enjoy believing in.
If the religion were to become profitable then the people who worked on it will get a share of it like with any start-up although personally I don’t care about money so that’s not my motivation in doing this.
2. The exact nature of Mark Zuckerberg in this religion is that he is the Avatar of Jehova, the creator of our universe. In this religion our universe is a simulated matrix world almost like a computer game and humans are all like computer game characters compared to God. The Biblical Jehova is the creator of this simulatrix and while the actual Jehova is a white guy with a big beard just like Michaelangelo painted him, he controls Mark Zuckerberg as his “Avatar” or “character” in our world like you might control a video game character in a video game you were playing.
3. The religion has many different Gods and Goddesses, so while the main God is Zuckerberg who is identified as being the Avatar of Biblical creator God Jehova there are Goddesses in his life such as Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s COO, who in this religion is Minerva, the Goddess of Skill and Strategy. Then another Goddess is Ashley Arenson who is this girl that Mark Zuckerberg had a crush on in high school who rejected him because she thought he was too nerdy for her, and she is Venus, the Goddess of Love and Beauty. This is an actual real girl that Zuckerberg really had an unrequited crush on in high school, I found out about her because I know some people who went to Zuckerberg’s high school and they told me this girl was his unrequited high school crush and I figured she’d be a great Goddess to put in the religion for a good storyline about how even though Zuck is God he still gets turned by his high school crush who turns out to be The Goddess Venus herself.
4. I’m looking to take an approach similar to that of Ancient Greek mythology and Japanese anime where they used to write epic stories and poems about the Gods and Goddesses but with a modern flair like the way the Japanese will create stories based on Judeo-Christian mythology that are actually entertaining like anime shows like “Oh, My Goddess!” where the main character is dating this goddess who becomes his girlfriend or just how in the end of Neon Genesis Evangelion Shinji Ikari becomes God or like they have in games like Xenogears where the final boss is God or The Guided Fate Paradox where the main character is God and his mission is to defeat Satan but it’s a dungeon crawler where you play God but God still has to level up by fighting random monsters to gain enough levels to defeat Satan. So we want to create entertaining myths like all the stories the Ancient Greeks had about their Gods and divine heroes and we could make these into novels or comic books or even movies and video games one day in the future.
5. So in this religion’s mythology I was looking to create a setting that was like a school for Gods and Goddesses and divine saviors which I based on Zuckerberg’s high school Phillips Exeter which in the religion is kind of like a mystical school like Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry from Harry Potter. So there are all these other divine figures from Zuckerberg’s high school, like the rock singer Win Butler is the Maitreya, the Fifth Buddha, since he came from this school too. And then there’s other divine figures that have the similar origin of coming from Zuckerberg’s high school like a crazy former mental patient who thinks he’s Jesus who actually turns out to be Jesus and a Muslim guy from Afghanistan who is the Imam Mahdi and another guy who is this Pick-Up Artist coach who turns out to be Mars, the God of War but instead of being a great physical warrior he’s just a master of war-based video games. Then even though he’s God, Zuckerberg was trained in Divine Powers by his high school math teacher Zuming Feng who turns out to secretly be The Dragon King who’s this ancient deity from Chinese mythology whose powers rival or even surpass those of God Himself kind of like Master Roshi from Dragonball. And then the school’s current Principal Thomas Hassan is actually Archangel Gabriel disguised as a human so he’s in the mythology too.
So there’s a lot of divine figures in this religion and with the idea of Zuckerberg’s high school Phillips Exeter being a mystical school for Gods and Goddesses and divine saviors like Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in Harry Potter it gives us a lot of material to work with for creating epic myths like those of the Ancient Greeks.
5. You don’t have to believe in this to get involved, but I have the rare ability to make things up and then believe them, so I can write a fictional story about Zuckerberg being God and then suddenly believe it’s true even though I just made it up. I can also change my beliefs in an instant, so I can switch from being a Jew to being a Christian to being a Muslim to being a Scientologist to being an Atheist just by snapping my fingers. I don’t know many other people who can just change their beliefs in an instant or believe in something they just made up, I think it’s a special ability I have. But I just believe in anything I think it’s fun to believe in, so one day I thought it would be fun to believe that Star Wars was a true story of an ancient war that took place amongst real aliens that was revealed to George Lucas by the Force Spirit of the real Mace Windu so now I believe Star Wars is based on a true story just because I feel like believing it was. Then one day I just thought it would be interesting if Batman was based on a real historical figure from the 1920â€²s who was a real rich guy who fought crime dressed as a giant bat so now I believe Batman is based on a real historical figure, and this is all stuff I made up out of thin air then decided to believe was true.
So when it comes to my personal beliefs, I just believe in anything it makes me feel good to believe in or which I find it fun to believe in, I have no concern for whether there’s any proof or scientific evidence at all, I just believe anything I want to regardless of whether any proof exists for it being true or not.
6. The way I got the idea from this project was I was watching an interview with Joseph Campbell who was a scholar of mythology and Professor Campbell was talking about the world’s myths were all broken or outdated and no longer functioning for our modern society. And he said that the world needed people to create new myths that united the beliefs of different cultures and traditions together as one and it seemed like a good idea Professor Campbell had so that’s how I got interested in this.
So then I got the idea of uniting saviors of different traditions like the Second Coming of Christ and the Muslim Imam Mahdi and the Buddhist Maitreya by giving them this common origin of being from a mystical school of divine saviors like Hogwarts from Harry Potter and decided to base it on Zuckerberg’s high school when I figured he’d be a good choice for the Avatar of God in the religion.
Anyways, that sums up the basic idea of what I’m interested in working on with this, if anyone is interested write in and tell about what your skills and interests are. I guess I would like to find some artists and designers to work on concept art and some web design and writers to help write some of the stories and myths of the religion which we can do as eBooks or comics, or even filmmakers to make films when we have developed our initial myths.
Really though I’m just doing this for fun because I don’t even know if something like this is possible to do on a big level or if it could be popular, so it’s just something I am interested in doing and looking for people who would like to take part without worrying about whether it goes anywhere or not.
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