So, Halloween is creeping ever closer and undoubtedly loads of you will be out getting completely smashed for it or will be slamming back the free drink at house parties. It’s always a bit of a chore to dress up as something because most of the time, you waste money on a shitty costume that gets ruined as soon as you hit the clubs and you’ll never wear the costume again because a) it’s in tatters and the amount of drink tipped over it makes it look like you’ve had about 15,000 wet dreams and b) you’ll have grown up by then and realised that the money spent on a cliched costume could be spent on something much better. Like more drink, or more green.
In house parties (ones I’ve been to, anyway) the host has always made a massive effort to carve pretty cool patterns/faces/designs into the pumpkins they’ve bought and most of the time they’ve been decent but you just can’t help thinking – how the fvck have they got the patience to do that?! I would never make the effort to carve a pumpkin because I’ve always thought Halloween is really shit and it just gives sneaky paedos that extra bit more help to hoard kids in their cellar. That, and I’d rather spend my money on worthwhile things rather than a fvcking pumpkin.
But this guy has got the right idea. Rather than wasting loads of time and straining his patience to carve a pumpkin, he just shoots fvck out of it and gets on with his little redneck life, like all of us should. He’s a bit of a chirpser as well by the looks of things as he reckons he’s a handsome bastard. Perhaps that’s what his regular prostitutes tell him.
â˜› More: The Redneck Olympics