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Bad News: ‘Pulling Out’ Isn’t As Foolproof As You Thought

COUPLE

It turns out that the pull-out method doesn’t work quite as well as we’d like to think it does.

In news that shouldn’t be too surprising, men and women who rely on the ‘pull-out’ method for birth control are finding themselves involved in more unwanted pregnancies than men and women who use more traditional methods, like using condoms.

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A study shows that 21% of around 2,000 young women surveyed — all of whom relied on the pull-out/’coitus interruptus’ method – found themselves unintentionally pregnant. In contrast, 13% of women who used other forms of birth control got pregnant unintentionally.

So, it would appear that withdrawing a condom-free penis from a vagina a split second before you jizz isn’t the way to do things. It’s almost as stark a realisation as when you found out Father Christmas wasn’t real. That’s why you need to start pulling out much, much earlier. Pull out so early that you can’t even call what you just did sex. Just work up a sweat and play with yourself while sitting next to a girl. That’s basically what unprotected sex should be like for you from now on.

PS. Who knew that the pull-out method was also known as ‘coitus interruptus’? Sounds like some kind of magic spell from Harry Potter. Pull out, jizz everywhere and scream COITUS INTERRUPTUS! Definitely doing that from now on.

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