MUSIC

A Petition Has Been Launched To Ban Tech-House Music From Existence

DJ

It was only a matter of time.

Someone who describes himself as an ‘elitist prick’ has launched a petition to ban the music genre tech-house from existence.

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Jeremy Cock’s argument is that the genre is going through an overly saturated phase and he absolutely rips the piss out of tech-house, those who enjoy it and himself. Here’s what he has to say about it:

I would rather listen to one of those hard house records you get with a second hand pair of technics in one ear and a pile driver being inserted in the other than tech house.

You can legit get 6 tunes and re-arrange them and get confused about which one is which because they all have no indistinguishable qualities and beatport’s tagging is right on the money when they just use numbers like its some of factory belt of vengeance samples.

It is offensive to any form of musicality and the culture it came from for people who can’t slow down or are addicted to speed and imagining themselves in front of 200,000 people when they’re really in front of 2 who probably don’t even want to be there themselves.

It is like all those really terrible modern remakes of movies but in music form. People who enjoyed the total recall remake probably enjoy tech house.

I would rather be stuck in a lift with Rosie O Donnell and the whole cast of Loose Women after a bad curry than at a tech house gig.

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I am asking for a complete ban on tech house. So aspirational DJs can actually aspire to look through varying forms of music rather than just downloading 100s of tracks that sound exactly the same but with different sample pack vocals snippets and assuming they are connecting with something other than narcissism. Being successful as a tech house dj is like being a successful subway sandwich artist or winning the biggest pumpkin award at the county fair.

I am also 27 years old and can’t get a girlfriend (????) so if someone can sort me out with one of those too please that’d be ace, can’t figure out why i don’t have one but i’m assuming its because i am an elitist prick who gets angry over peoples musical preferences and spends too much time online shitposting and being sad.

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There are some absolute golden quotes in there – I think the best metaphor was calling it the music form of all of those modern movie remakes. I also appreciate that he’s not afraid to rip himself too.

Already the petition has 466 supporters, so he’s not far off with his 500 goal. Not really sure what he’s going to do with those 500 signatures, as I’m pretty sure you can’t ban an entire music genre. But at least he’s got a few laughs out of it.

To read about why house music is the shittest thing in the entire world, click HERE.

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