That is such a funny headline. Although many celebrities are fearing the end of the world in two and a half weeks, I would say that the majority of normal people aren’t actually bothered about this stupid prophecy anyway. I mean did you even bother going to see 2012 when it came out to check what might have happened? Even though John Cusack was in it I just did not give a fvck. It seems like a lot of people are really fearful about it, and I’m not just talking about celebrities there. Apparently – according to a NASA scientist – young people are so worked up about the end of the world that a whole bunch of them are thinking about contemplating suicide so as to avoid the complete destruction of the world in a couple of weeks.
Here’s what NASA astrobiologist (what the hell is in that job description?) David Morrison had to say about it in the US government’s official response to the Mayan death prophecy fear that is currently engulfing the United States: ‘At least once a week I get a message from a young person â€• as young as 11 â€• who says they are ill and/or contemplating suicide because of the coming doomsday. Many people don’t know what they’re afraid of, but they have heard this doomsday thing so often that they just come to me with a simple question: Will we have Christmas this year?’
Wow. If I didn’t know better I would have said this was just the start of the movie 2012 all over again because it sounds about as stupid as that movie would probably be. You know when the dickhead brainiac is ignoring the warnings from the hero because it’s not sound science and then later on he’ll get taken out by an asteroid or a dinosaur or something depending on the movie. Throwing in the line about Christmas just make it sound all the more poignant and is exactly the kind of phrase a hack would throw into a bad movie script. Maybe when the world doesn’t end David Morrison can get a job writing crappy movies.
But yeah, has the US government got nothing better to spend its time and money on than paying people to reassure people that the apocalypse isn’t actually a real thing and isn’t actually going to happen in two weeks. I thought it was kinda stupid to begin with that they roped in a NASA scientist to answer all these questions but then I actually read his detailed FAQ on the subject (OK I didn’t actually read it because it’s REALLY REALLY long and REALLY REALLY boring but I skimmed over it, I don’t recommend you do the same. If it was worth reading I would have copied and pasted it onto Sick Chirpse) and it turns out it’s all to do with planets colliding with us and shit so they probably are more qualified to talk about it than anyone else. Except perhaps the Mayans themselves and Mayan experts. All of the NASA evidence seems to suggest there is no way that this planet is going to hit us though, which really means the Mayans have a lot to answer for when Barack Obama has to explain the budget deficit.
I also thought it was particularly hilarious when this guy said he got at least one email a week from a young person saying they were sick or contemplating suicide because of the end of the world. It said on his site that he had held this position for four years (conveniently that’s when Obama was first elected huh? Maybe we should have voted for Romney, he wouldn’t have taken any of this crap) so that means only 200 people have emailed him saying this. That isn’t really very many when you consider the population of the United States and certainly not enough to say something like ‘many young people are contemplating suicide over the end of the world.’ It’s like so insignificant an amount it’s barely even worth mentioning, so why even bring it up? ESPECIALLY when it’s your job to try and prevent fear over the event! Sort it out guys.
Oh and sure it’s not great that these guys are contemplating suicide, that is obviously not cool. But let’s be serious for a second: if the end of the world is coming then these guys aren’t gonna be useful and they’re not gonna figure out a way to survive or help anything; they’re already gonna be dead because they were too scared to even find out if it was true. With that in mind they’re probably not even worth saving, so I can’t even really see why the US government has spent a wad of cash on appointing David Morrison to reassure people. From his statement it didn’t even sound like he had reassured anyone. I mean people are STILL emailing him saying they’re thinking about suicide every week and he’s been doing his job for four years! What a waste of time. Everyone remembers the Millennium Bug and what a crock of shit that was and this is exactly the same. I’ll see you on December 23rd.