Just when you think things can’t get any worse, Metallica and Lou Reed team up to perform a Velvet Underground cover on Jools Holland.

Ok, so a couple of weeks ago I wrote an article about how the Metallica/Lou Reed concept album Lulu that was coming out was probably the worst thing I had ever heard ever. Well, how the first song I heard on it was anyway. I thought it was a colossal effort that I could even make it through that to be honest. ‘I am the table?’ Seriously what are those guys talking about? I didn’t think that anything could be as dumb/terrible as that. Not even the new Aqua song. I mean at least that’s terrible in kind of a funny way. The Metallica/Lou Reed collaboration is just terrible in a pathetic, old and gross way.

Anyway, fast forward about three weeks and something more terrible has been forced upon my ears, and even more spectacularly it’s from the same two culprits again, Metallica and Lou Reed. Only this time they’ve chosen to perform a live version of a Velvet Underground classic ‘White Light/White Heat.’ Now, as you might have guessed, I’m no big fan of the Velvet Underground but I know that it should definitely NOT sound like this.

It sounds almost as if Lou Reed is doing the exact same vocal lines and melodies from the original song whilst Metallica simply power out some thrash metal in the background. It’s almost as though Lou Reed has the original song playing through his monitor and he’s playing along to that, he almost doesn’t even seem aware that Metallica are even there or that they’re playing a thrash version of the song as opposed to the original.

As for Metallica, somebody needs to tell them it’s not 1992 anymore and Damage Inc didn’t just drop, and that nobody likes this kind of retarded thrash metal anymore really. At least not on a national television channel. And especially not with some old dude like Lou Reed singing bright and sparkly melodies over the top.

Seriously, what are Metallica and Lou Reed thinking, and even more seriously won’t somebody make it stop already? Or better yet find some way to go back in time so that it never even happened. Check out the video below, I dare you to watch it all. And what the hell is going on with James Hetfield’s hair!?

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