Okay. First things first otherwise this will be play havoc with my head all day. That cat, above, looks exactly the same as my cat. I mean, it’s pretty uncanny. They could be twins. Perhaps they are, who knows? Who even cares? They’ve both got the old-man-white-stubble cupped around their chin, they’ve got that unkempt, scruffy-morning look that they yearn for sprouting from their sides and they’ve both got those awesome furry-spaghetti loops hiding away in the forest of fur that their belly keeps warm under. If you ever meet my cat – which is highly unlikely unless you like to shag sheep – then it’s best you keep your distance as he’s a bit of a baller and will cut you deep with his claws, teeth and exemplary use of demeaning phrases and stares. He also doesn’t like toys so that kinda separates the cat in the image above from my own cat as, undoubtedly, my cat would have walked away from that toy or scratched it in a tempestuous fury and moulded it into a really sharp knife so he could stab you.
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So, now I’ve got that outta the way I feel a lot better and can honestly say that what you’re about to read and watch is really weird and truly minging and may even make you puke a bit especially if you’re hungover.
We’ve all eaten some dodgy things, right? Like, a 4-day-old kebab that’s been fermenting in a greasy cesspool of its own grease and sweat; bread that’s been left uneaten for too long and has gone blue and smells like your mother’s medicine cabinet; spiders that have crawled down your throat as you’ve been sleeping; the white part of a fingernail (it’s called the ‘luna’) that had thousands of bacteria stuck underneath from days of growth and oxygen and the handles on public toilets and the change you’re given back from the corner shop; those nuts on the pub bar that had about 7 different types of sperm lingering all over them. I bet a lot of you have eaten most of what I just described, especially the kebab, you dirty, dirty animals. I’m just picturing the frigid, tepid slice of mashed meat being gnawed by your teeth and it’s making me sick. What would your mother think, eh? Would she proud? If she would, then you’ve definitely got a keeper.
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So, yeah, most of us have eaten (or think we’ve eaten) dodgy things but you really have got nothing on this woman. You wanna know why? Because she feeds on her own cat’s hair. I dunno what’s worse. Her depriving her pussy of the warmth of fur or her shovelling handfuls of cat hair down her throat. It’s a close call that could be debated for hours so let’s not get into that so much and focus on the fact there’s a woman out there who, instead of eating chips or fish or veg or crisps or normal stuff, would prefer to chow down on a feline’s fur. This is what cat hair, glued to paper, looks like. Imagine the woman’s stomach and throat.
The woman’s name is Lisa, who apparently doesn’t have a surname, and she’s 43 and lives in Detroit, Michigan in America. She can’t go two hours without eating cat fur and has, on estimate, digested more than 3,200 hairballs since she began eating fur 15 years ago. She even licks the fur off her cat and I really feel sorry for the cat. You’ll understand why when you see Lisa in the act. A doctor reckons Lisa probably has got a ‘trichobezoar’, which is a mass of hair in her digestive tract. Probably?! C’mon, the woman’s undoubtedly got a mass down there – it’s gotta be hairer than any pubic region I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen some absolute corkers.
Anyway, I’ll leave you with a video of Lisa and her fur and of a picture of cat fur that’s built up from the average cat-owner’s keyboard. Just think of this next time your pussy is prancing all over you.
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