Let’s get this straight before I start.
I think golf is shit. It’s shit because it’s possibly the most boring ‘sport’ ever invented and it seems like it takes years for a match or tournament or whatever to finish, is watched by rich cunts who stand on the green and cheer and clap and ooo like a macabre imitation of a pissy debate in the House of Commons and watch their boring heroes smack a tiny white ball as hard as they can or as soft as they desire – all with the aim of slotting the ball into a hole. I dunno about you but I’d much rather stick to trying to get my boner into a hole, rather than wasting my life and practising something shit like golf. Look at Tiger Woods, he got so bored of golf that he went off and fucked as many women as he could.
Golf may have loads of money in it, but it’s complete bollocks and it’s no surprise Tiger got bored. I’d go so far to say that I hate golf more than darts, and my hatred for darts is akin to Josef Fritzl’s hate for anyone who doesn’t have sex with their own kids.
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Breaking records is a much better pastime than golf and it’s something that I think is pretty cool. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be in the Guinness Book of Records? It’s the coolest book ever with all sorts of weird shit in. Ask Father Christmas for one this year and you’ll see what I mean. You’ll waste hours reading through it, instead of being bored and watching smut again. So, even though I hate golf with all of my trembling, wrinkled heart, I’ve got to be honest and say that I did think this was pretty cool. And funny.
A guy called Michael Furrh hits a golf ball 146 yards using a 14 foot, 2.5 inch golf club – smashing the previous world record of 134.5 yards with a 13 foot, 5 inches club – and I dunno why but the way he swings the club has had me hypnotised to the screen for a fair while now and I snigger like a future serial killer burning the legs off a spider, every time he raises the fvcking thing.
Check it out and see for yourself. This is the best thing that’s ever happened to golf:
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